INDUCTION: Clumsy Shawn Stasiak – Meat Wrestling’s Biggest Klutz!

64 Submitted by on Thu, 27 September 2018, 20:00

WWF, 2001

If wrestling has taught me anything, it’s that being a second generation star isn’t always a guarantee of success.  Sure, we can all name a lot of guys who were better than their old men – Bret Hart, Randy Orton, Randy Savage all spring immediately to mind.  But there’s seemingly an equal list of goofs that shouldn’t have ever laced up their boots.

Like, oh I don’t know…

Yeah.  Him.

FunFact (that will likely cause you to drive off a cliff): did you know that David Flair and Stacy Keibler were apparently an item…in REAL LIFE?  Like, you know, doing it and stuff?  Surely that has to be some ridiculous urban legend with no basis in the realm of truth, right?

Oh baloney, I bet you do know.  Fess up, AJ!

(Wait, no – you crazy kids were never in the company at the same time.  My bad.)

Anyhoo, today’s induction involves another second generation wrestler.  And while he was worlds ahead of say, Chris Von Erich, he wasn’t in the same universe as Curt Hennig.

Also, I can no longer type or say the word “universe” without hearing “WWE” in front of it.  I bet many of you are in the exact same boat.  Vince McMahon has gotten away with a lot of actual crimes in his day (supposedly, allegedly), but how a grand jury has never indicted him for that, I’ll never know.

The man pictured above would be Stan “The Man” Stasiak.  If for no reason other than the passing of time, there’s a good chance many of you have never even heard of him.  And to be fair, his heyday, during the 1970s, is before even I started watching wrestling, and as we all know, I’m like 150 years old.  Most of you are at least a wee bit younger.

Eh, maybe some of you.

So anyway, on December 1, 1973, Stasiak would defeat Pedro Morales for the WWWF (which would transition to WWF then to WWE) World Heavyweight Championship.  At the time, lengthy title reigns were the norm; Morales held the belt for three straight years, and prior to that, Bruno Sammartino was champion for nearly eight.  Stasiak, though, wouldn’t have such fortune, holding the belt for just over a week prior to dropping it back to Bruno.  Stan was the epitome of a “transitional” champion, much as the Iron Sheik would bridge the gap between Bob Backlund and Hulk Hogan roughly a decade later.

Still, holding the World Championship in Vince McMahon Sr.’s playground was nothing to scoff at, and it led his son Shawn to decide to attempt to follow in his footsteps.

How he was going to do so sporting a boner in his matches I’ll never know.

Seriously – Shawn Stasiak came into the WWF as MEAT, a sex slave of sorts for the catty trio known as the Pretty Mean Sisters, or PMS.  Unfortunately, he wouldn’t win a lot of matches because he’d wear himself out prior to those bouts by giving his lady friends unlimited “action”.

Let all that sink in for a moment.

Someone thought “packaging” a former world champion’s kid in a manner such as this was a good idea.  Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.  Amazingly, it was somehow even dumber than I am making it sound.  And yes, naturally it wound up as an induction on this here site many years ago (yep, in the archives, get to clicking, support the site, all that jazz).

Following a bizarre backstage incident in which he was caught audio recording other WWF superstars (I dunno the details, pester Dave I guess if you want to know more), Stasiak would leave the WWF and head over to WCW.  There he would be given a Mr. Perfect knock off character known as Perfect-Shawn (woof) and team up with other young guys on the roster such as Sean O’Haire and Chuck Palumbo.

For the record, I’ve been staring at that image above for like 10 minutes and have zero recollection of this team whatsoever.  I am too lazy to Google to try to find out why they were known as “The Perfect Event.”

No, wait – let me correct that.  It’s not that I lack the energy to find out how WCW came up with the stupidest name for a tag team of all time, it’s that I don’t care why they did.  I mean really, has there ever been a team with a dumber moniker?  Give me your answers in the comments section below, and if anyone convinces me of a tag team with a worse name, I’ll give them free archive access.

So anyway, WCW dies and Vince picks up the scraps such as poor Shawn for the much maligned Invasion angle.

You know, the one where Steve Austin was the torchbearer for WCW.

Sigh…I’ve written the Gooker winning induction for that.

I’ve written about it in two books, both the original Death of WCW and the 10th Anniversary Edition.

I’ve spent a ton of hours, a good chunk of my life, writing about this disaster, examining it from various angles, and dissecting it in every manner possible.  And it’s all led me to one conclusion:  I am a total idiot.

Why on earth did I waste all that precious time?

Why didn’t I just put a picture of Steve Austin in a WCW shirt and call it a day?

Could it really get any more idiotic than that?

While the answer is an emphatic “NO!”, it did lead to a lot of little spin-off atrocities, such as the one featured here today, starring your friend and mine, Shawn Stasiak.  He was part of the Alliance (the joint effort of WCW and ECW in an attempt to overthrow the WWF), and was backstage trying to get into the good graces of Austin who was the head honcho of the group.  Austin, being a student of the game, actually remembered that Stasiak’s dad was a champion.  He questioned if Shawn would do the same.

Stasiak replied that he was going to do better than that – he was going to do something tonight that Austin would NEVER forget.

And then made a MEAN GUY FACE.

All that was missing was a “GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!’

And just what did Stasiak do that was so unforgettable?

He ran as fast as he could face first into an inanimate object.

A suit of armor, to be precise.

What, did you think I would make such a thing up?

Seriously, the dude came literally screaming at Kurt Angle, who simply side stepped him as he plowed into a freaking suit of armor.  He then laid on the ground for a good two minutes while Angle and William Regal simply continued their conversation, completely oblivious to a man with possible brain damage wallowing at their feet.

Eventually, Stasiak is able to regain his feet and knows he’s in a heaping helping of trouble with Austin.  So he hunts down Debra, Austin’s then wife and on-screen flunky, and quizzes her about if Stone Cold is actually, you know, upset with him.  Debra explains that…

Wait, stop.

Holy cow is that an unflattering look for Debra.  I always considered her a total smokeshow, but…eeeeek.  That is right up there with the Bischoff shot on the front of Death of WCW for worst possible photo of a person ever.

Back to Stasiak, Debra explains that Austin is indeed furious.  I guess someone else was as well, as amazingly running into a statue wasn’t a one-off gag for Shawn – it was the start of a new character for the poor guy.

So soon enough, he is getting doors literally slammed in his face and being made to look like an ever bigger buffoon than he ever had before.

Like when…you know…

That.

Undaunted, Stasiak would attempt to do other Alliance members’ bidding to prove to Austin that he could be a valuable member.

MEMBER OF THE TEAM, pervs.

So we see him telling Booker T and Shane McMahon he would go to the ring and teach the Rock a lesson.  As if.  We get the match and…

…yeah, you know how that turns out, with Stasiak’s only offensive maneuver being a missed clothesline.

From there, it somehow got worse.

For you see, soon enough, Stasiak wasn’t only running headlong into inanimate objects or jobbing in seconds, he was unable to speak.  Like, complete even the simplest of sentences.  During the infamous Stone Cold Tribute Night on Raw it took the poor doofus over 32 takes to put his thoughts on the Rattlesnake into words.

So yes, now he wasn’t only a klutz, but a total moron as well.

Still, he was going to attempt to impress Austin, somehow, some way.  One might surmise he would do so by noting that he was now in a relationship of some sort with Stacy Keibler (what is it with her being paired with second generation dorks?), but no no – he was instead going to do it by setting a trap for Austin’s number one nemesis, that being Angle.  Stasiak concluded that since Angle was as obsessed with milk as Austin was with beer, he’d put a bucket of rancid milk atop a door!

And then…get this..when Angle walks through the door, he’ll be covered in the completely grody glop!

HA HA HA!

HO HO HO!!

HEE HEE HEE!!!

So he and Stacy hide behind a conveniently placed backdrop and wait for the gold medalist to arrive.

Of course it isn’t Angle that arrives, but rather Debra, who gets covered and proceeds to launch into a Grade A meltdown.  Everyone should watch this and see how a pro wrestling freakout should occur.  It’s just like that.

Debra is seriously one of the most underrated characters of the past twenty years.  Oh how I love and miss her.

So Shawn and Stacy freak out and run for the hills, with Stasiak not appearing again on Raw for a few weeks.  It wouldn’t be long, however, before we’d get the next evolution of the Stasiak character, this time during matches themselves.

Now…now…Stasiak was literally tripping over his own two feet, falling flat on his face as he attempts to spear his opponent (Spike Dudley) in the corner.

At least I think he tripped.  Maybe he just had really bad depth perception?

Regardless, the insanity would continue as he took on Perry Saturn…

…and now he was unable to do a leap frog…after he had just done one.  I don’t have a clue how that makes any sense whatsoever, but really nothing I am writing about tonight does so I guess it all goes with the territory.

Before long, Stasiak would vanish again.  He would return months later as…

PLANET STASIAK!

I know a lot of folks have glowing memories of this character, but trust me, it wasn’t much better than anything else the poor guy had done.  I guess having the ability to rhyme random words together counts for something.  Maybe?  To be fair, I’m kinda in the same boat as Tommy Dreamer here.

The problem was when he got into the ring, he was still a clumsy idiot.

Seriously, on his first night as Planet Stasiak, he ran right into brass knux and was pinned in seconds!  He’d wind up orbiting the lower mid card for a while before eventually getting out of wrestling entirely, focusing instead on a successful career as a chiropractor.

Good call, kid – the folks backstage in this business did you no favors!


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64 Responses to "INDUCTION: Clumsy Shawn Stasiak – Meat Wrestling’s Biggest Klutz!"
  1. alex williamson says:

    What about ‘The Bad Street Boys’?

  2. alex williamson says:

    or ‘The Gangstanators’?

  3. Autrach Sejanoz says:

    “has there ever been a team with a dumber moniker?”

    Well Dunn?

  4. Sean Bateman says:

    Planet Stasiak is an induction for another time.

  5. CF says:

    “SAnitY”.

    Lower-casing the fact one’s faction name contains the term for larval lice.

    Just another example of why Eric Young ought to be a Patron Saint Of WrestleCrap.

  6. Art0Donnell says:

    The Boss & Hug Connection.

    • Chris says:

      Honestly, that one’s not too bad. Sasha Banks & Bayley came up with it themselves as a tribute to the Rock N Sock Connection. Far worse would be something like The Johnsons for a tag team of wrestling penises or Techno Team 2000. Heck, even Well Dunn & Air Boom are worse names.

  7. Scrooge McSuck says:

    The regal brass knuckles spot started my fandom for him (regal, not stasiak). Such an awesome moment.

  8. Seth says:

    Air Boom? Foxana? (Alicia fox and aksana) Rybaxel?

  9. Stephen Victors says:

    Honestly? The Boss and Hug Connection…..awful.

  10. John C says:

    Shawn was so far ahead of his time he couldn’t be appreciated. Now with Joey Ryan all the rage on the indy scene with his shtick maybe it’s time to bring back Meat. Stan The Man had the Heart Punch so Shawn could have the Hard Punch as a finisher. Joey and Shawn after first teaming together have a feud which would lead to a blow off match at All In 2, with the first ever Blue Chew On A Pole battle.

  11. Cameron A. says:

    I remember Perfect Event. The gimmick hinged on Stasiak and Palumbo essentially bootlegging established names. “Main Event” Chuck Palumbo = “Total Package” Lex Luger. I can’t blame you for not remembering it, given it was the standard “mock a superstar” gimmick, just with added spring bar.

    Also, I get what the former Headshrinkers/Samoan SWAT Team went for with their mid-1990s gimmick, but Samoan Gangster/Gangsta Party sounds LESS badass than what came before it.

  12. Alfonzo Tyson says:

    Pretty Wonderful, with Paul Orndoff and Paul Roma.

    Out of curiosity, has Gross Tommy Dreamer ever been inducted?

    • Tempest Fennac says:

      If that’s the gimmick which revolved around him doing things like drinking water from urinals, it was a few years back.

  13. JJRK says:

    Worst tag team name ever: The Ding Dongs

  14. Paul says:

    How soon we forget about The Dicks. Worst tag team name, gimmick, everything.

  15. Larry says:

    The “Shining Stars” Primo & Epico Guerrero – worst tag name ever

    • Si says:

      Wrong family (Colons), and also being from Puerto Rico it makes sense. Plus they’re around at the same time as the Bludgeon Brothers, which sounds like a team from a mid-80s cartoon series wrestling episode.

  16. Al Lobama says:

    For my money, Head Cheese was a MUCH dumber team name than the Perfect Event. Seriously, why was “The Lethal Weapon” Steve Blackman Cheese? Lethal Head was RIGHT THERE!!!

  17. David says:

    Awesome Truth or Golden Truth have to be up there with the worst tag team names, Rybaxel. Breezeango(even though I like the team the name sucks) . Air Boom, The Ding Dongs, The Dicks, Team Hell No are all pretty dumb as well.

  18. Tony says:

    The Kongtourage.

  19. Patrick says:

    It’s been awhile, but I recall reading an article by Lance Storm, in which he laments Stasiak’s lack of ability to keep his mouth shut, basically. A bunch of the soon-to-be-invasion guys spent WrestleMania in a sky box, NOT running in, because Stasiak had stooged the angle off in an interview or something, right before the event.

    It’s very possible that making a total fool of him was a result of his poor choice.

  20. Captain Obvious says:

    Worst tag team ever…. HANDS DOWN….GYMINI

  21. SUBHRA BASU says:

    The Perfect Event was a heel tag team in World Championship Wrestling in 2000. The team consisted of Shawn Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo. They are former WCW World Tag Team Champions. Stasiak feuded with Curt Hennig and “stole” his “Perfect” gimmick while Palumbo feuded with Lex Luger and “stole” his “Total Package” gimmick. Although initially solo players, within a month of active duty on the WCW roster, they paired together, their team name being an amalgam of their then-nicknames ‘PerfectShawn’ and ‘The Main Event’, respectively.

  22. Jimbolian says:

    At least he stayed around long enough to at least appear in WWE Smackdown SYM!

    • Tempest Fennac says:

      I know it’s not really possible to check defensive stats but weren’t his offensive stats really bad? I know you could check those via the movelist editor.

  23. Doug says:

    What about bagwell and Scott Norton as “vicious and delicious”?

    • CP says:

      Considering the team’s makeup (super mean and nasty Scott Norton and the modern day version of Rick Martel), it fit.

  24. Enhancement Talent 3 Mark II says:

    Miracle Violence Connection ! (Gordy and Dr.Death in Japan)

    But then again, that name is so ridiculous it’s awesome.

  25. jerm says:

    Dumb tag team name?

    KRONIK

  26. Adam says:

    Dumbest tag team name of all time…

    This was from 17 years ago, and as ridiculous as it gets. For a brief spell, Big Show and Billy Gunn teamed together and were called Show Gunns.

    So they made a portmanteau of their names to form the word for “Japanese military leaders?” Maybe, in the days of racial stereotyping in wrestling (which we obviously don’t want to go back to), that would have been an understandable name for Fuji and Saito. But two Americans? Huh? Why not just call them the Bolsheviks? Oh right, because their names made the word together! How clever!

  27. Chris says:

    Jeri-Miz as a name has always been absolute cringe to me. Techno Team 2000 was also pretty bad.

  28. Hulk6785 says:

    No mention of him running into the milk truck when Angle sprayed milk on The Alliance!? Lame!

  29. Barry says:

    The Johnsons.

    We’re back to members again.

  30. D-Unit says:

    I know it’s Wrestlecrap, but I honestly thought this was funny when it was airing

  31. Armando says:

    “American Males” and “Dynamic Dudes”

  32. Chris says:

    The Dudes with Attitude? The Dynamic Dudes? The Johnson Twins?

  33. Arya Witner says:

    Dumb team names:

    -ShowMiz
    -American Males
    -The Insiders
    -High Dosage (DSW team. I think it was Konnor of The Ascension and The Ryback)

  34. Jim says:

    My main memory of Stasiak is his post-Meat match at Survivor Series 1999 against a debuting Kurt Angle. Not a great match by any means, but he did his (and the) job.

    Even though a guy being filled with such prowess as to satisfy three attractive women might have worked in the Attitude Era, being submissive/subordinate to them hurt him (as did being booked like a loser).

    I’m sure the matches were terrible as well, but I remember the various tag teams from the end of WCW; I think the faction (Natural Born Thrillers, maybe) seemed to swap partners a few times (I think Mark Jindrak and Sean – I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know – O’Hare was the other main team, and Above Average Mike Sanders might have been in the group). Perfect-Shawn; wouldn’t surprise me if they tried to have him feud with Henning at some point, assuming their tenures overlapped.

    Still a little surprised that Vince let someone with a body like that be the gimmick of a klutz.

    Thanks for the induction.

  35. Brian Alfrey says:

    The Ultimate Maniacs for the team of Randy Savage and The Ultimate Warrior or The Mega Maniacs for the team of Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake. These were dumb tag team names for popular characters of the time. I felt the Mega Maniacs name was a cheap knock off from the Mega Powers name. I understand they weren’t going to be tag partners for too long but they deserved better names. Or no tag names were necessary since they were one-time pairings. In the case of Hogan and Brutus I am referring to 1993 when they were given their name for their tag team, not 1989 when they weren’t given one because it wasn’t going to be a long run as a team.

  36. C. Peter Roberts says:

    The only way “The Perfect Event” could work as a name is if they had a wedding planner gimmick.

  37. MonkasaurusRex says:

    I’ve always looked at Stasiak as a missed opportunity type of guy. He was solid in the ring(nothing flashy or “special”) had a great look and was able to play any character they gave him and he usually attacked them with verve plus had the right pedigree. Could have been a big deal with any sort of decent booking. Shame he was saddled with such nonsense.

  38. El Atomico says:

    Totally Buff, Creative Control

  39. Si says:

    Lowkey candidate – before American Alpha became a thing Gable and Jordan were in an NXT house show faction of former amateur wrestlers with Angelo Dawkins (now Street Profits), Tucker Knight (Heavy Machinery) and Sawyer Fulton (the orignal SAnitY member who got injured and then released) called… Shoot Nation.

  40. J Wagner says:

    Worst tag team name of all time? I gotta think that Gymni ranks right up there near the top.

  41. Jimbolian says:

    I’m shocked no one has mentioned this yet: American FRIGGIN’ Males. Not only one of the worst tag team names, but undoubtedly had the worst entrance theme.

  42. TheOriginalDEP says:

    Chuck was doing a Lugar gimmick and his nickname was The Main Event. Anyways, the flat out worst name ever is Voodoo Jin Mafia, or, as I call him random words with the same initials as Vince.

    • TheDog says:

      You mean Voodoo “Kin” Mafia, since Vince’s middle name is Kennedy and, as you said, they wanted to have the same initials. It was a team consisting of B.G. James and Kip James (Billy Gunn and Jesse James respectively) and was basically the New Age Outlaws with non-copyright infringing names.

  43. Abe Stranger says:

    I never liked The Brothers of Destruction as a name. It’s so generic, and it makes it sound like there is a third brother called Des.

  44. #OPC says:

    I know I’ll get shot for this, but… The Killer Bees. I think the Iron Sheik would agree, anyway.

  45. Jim says:

    The Can-Am Connection is an awful name.

    When Bret and Owen Hart teamed they were briefly known as The New Foundation. Not “The New Hart Foundation;” that would have made sense. Just “The New Foundation.”

    ROH had a group of wrestlers, led by Steve Corino with Samoa Joe as their top guy, called; “The Group.” Which I guess made Simply Luscious “The Groupie.”

  46. Jeff says:

    I think Team Package is pretty terrible. For the time, if it were a couple of young kids out of the Power Plant, sure. A guy in his mid 30’s paired with a guy in his 50’s, well that’s just creepy

  47. Rob says:

    As others have said, the Perfect Event was a combination name of Main Event Chuck Palumbo and Perfect-Shawn Stasiak (Also went by the monkier of the Perfect One. In either name, he used a bootleg version of Mr. Perfect’s theme, which begs the question. WHY DIDN’T WCW EVER USE THAT THEME FOR CURT HENNIG!)

    And, I was staying at the Adam Mark’s Hotel in Daytona Beach for the BATB PPV where Booker won the WCW Title.

    I met Flair and Stacy. They were most definitely a couple.

  48. Piper's Armpit says:

    Shawn Stasiak did a good in-ring comedy bit with The Rock one edition of Smackdown. It may have actually been the Smackdown after 9/11. The Rock came out to speak to the audience and Stasiak did his bit well. It was never going to go anywhere, was Wrestlecrap ,,, but he did well with what they gave him.
    Worst tag team name? I’ve already seen Air Boom, The Dicks and Well Dunn. I’m going to go for The New Day, if only because how many years do you have to stay together before you have to change your name?

  49. Aaron Peterson says:

    You want terrible tag team names, just look at the names that we have in the WWE Mixed Match Challenge.

    “Awe-ska” is just a cheap attempt at rhyming wtih Asuka’s name.

    But for my money, the real “best of the worst” is Team Pawz. I mean, how does that even make sense?

  50. Chris says:

    I know I’m late to the party here but I felt I had to contribute as The Perfect Event is the 2nd worst tag team name I ever remember seeing. First place was a team in TNA called “Generation Me”.

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