INDUCTION: The Bungee Cord Match – If You Like Dangling Feet, This is the Match For You!

44 Submitted by on Thu, 09 June 2016, 20:00

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Global Wrestling Federation, 1992

It’s somewhat amazing that after over sixteen years of running WrestleCrap.com, I still come upon horrible matches, stupid angles, and ridiculous characters I’ve never seen.  The bout I’m inducting today falls into that category.  It’s not that I’d never heard of it; as a guy running a site about the very worst in pro wrestling, I was told of it from pretty much day one.  In fact, I am pretty sure way way way way back in the day, Madison Carter did a write up of it in his old Weird World of Wrestling columns right here on this very site.  But unbelievably, I don’t think I’ve ever sat through it myself.  I know for sure I’ve never inducted it myself, despite who knows how many requests since the site actually started.

As to what that says about me?

mmrhigherres

Yeah, that.

So today we jump in the time machine and head all the way back to 1992, heading to a small and short-lived company known as the Global Wrestling Federation.  While I’d never seen the bungee cord fiasco we’re reviewing today, I definitely caught some of this promotion when it was in business. The sum and total of what I remember I shall outline below:

– It was the home of The Patriot, who wound up in the WWF

– It was the home of his evil nemesis, The Dark Patriot.  I was going to say this was the worst name for a character I’d ever heard, but then I realized one of my favorite shows on television these days is The Flash, and that features his evil nemesis, The Reverse Flash, which is actually way worse

– There was The Cartel, an evil group headed up by a man named THE BOSS.  I knew nothing him, but Blade remembered him so vividly that he penned a half page about him in our “Top Talked About – Yet Never Seen” Personalities in The WrestleCrap Book of Lists!.  It’s actually a sad memory for me, as I somehow blew the opportunity to talk about Bobby Heenan’s legendary secretary, Miss Betty. I don’t have many regrets in my life, but that one is near the top of the list.

– Buff Bagwell was featured as The Handsome Stranger.  That is an absurdly awesome name.  I mean, just with that name, every guy with a female valet should be leery of the guy.  I’d like to think if he showed up next Monday night on Raw, he’d leave with the entire women’s roster, Renee Young, Lillian Garcia, and then convince Vince to rehire Mike McGuirk just so he could steal her too.

Mike_McGuirk.2“You had me at ‘handsome’, stranger!”

So as I go into this, I likely will remember none of the participants.  Or maybe I will.  One way to find out!

The video I pulled down notes the match pits Chaz Taylor vs. Steven Dane, and the primary build features the dastardly Dane painting his nemesis with a yellow streak right down his back.

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WITH A PAINT BRUSH.

Seriously, look at that.  Perfectly even, perfectly straight.  I’ve painted walls in my house that have looked worse, and I use that stupid blue tape.  So while I legit have no idea what happened to Steven Dane, if you’re in the Dallas area and need, say, your fence touched up, I’d suggest giving him a call.

Chaz, tired of Dane’s manager, Skandor Akbar (hey, I remember him from World Class!) and girlfriend, Alexis (hey, I remember her from…nowhere; legit have no idea who she was), interfering in his matches, agreed to any bout in which they could not interfere.  Any bout in which specifically the GIRL can’t interfere.  So he signs the contract and is promptly informed it will be the world’s first ever BUNGEE CORD match.

Yep – a match in which someone is shoved out of something high and to their…well…not quite doom I guess.  I bet it looks something like this:

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Well, except I hope the cord doesn’t snap.

And if it does, I hope there’s a giant river underneath them.

Anyway, is our hero thrilled at the opportunity to best his foe in such an encounter? Does he boast that he will triumph no matter the odds?

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No silly – he face palms and whimpers that he’s afraid of heights as the announcer screams at him and the audience sits in complete silence, save for a little girl who laughs.

Hard to believe this company went out of business with booking like that!

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Outside the arena we go, to what appears to be a parking lot.  A parking lot without a giant body of water, I should add.  That said, Chaz is now ecstatic, as Alexis is in a cage.  Not sure why precisely he was concerned about her being able to interfere in this encounter (was she going to fly up there in a rocket pack?), but yeah, he’s very happy.

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Before Chaz can get inside “the cage”, Maniac Mike Davis shows up, sporting olde tyme aviator goggles.  Oh no, I’m having Independence Day flashbacks.  I know some folks like it, but sorry, that movie was really dumb.  As is this, where Davis giggles and proclaims, “Outer space! Moon rock!”

I mean, it’s not as stupid as having Cousin Eddie flying a crop duster into an alien mothership, but I believe that kinda goes without saying.

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While I don’t know who the geek announcer is, I do know the color commentator – that would be the “Raging Bull”, Manny Fernandez!  I can only hope his partner, the “Boogie Woogie Man”, Jimmy Valiant, makes an appearance.

Lest we get too concerned, we’re informed that “Special Referee Kevin” is handling things. I thought that had to be a case of the announcer forgetting the poor guy’s last name, but he brought it up the dude over and over again, never giving it.  I retired many years ago from being in the ring, but if I ever do decide to make a comeback, I will only do so if the official for the bout SPECIAL REFEREE KEVIN.

Thank goodness we have this man upholding the law and order, as the two men will be put together inside a tiny cage that will be lifted into the air.  If you’re looking for a lot of Greco-Roman action or even fisticuffs of some sort, I bet you’re going to be disappointed because there is absolutely zero room to maneuver in that thing.

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Dane makes his way to the cage, but begins to have second thoughts.  Chaz will have none of that, which leads to a tug of war.  You’d think that would end up with Chaz yanking his opponent inside the cage, but NO!  Dane simply walks away while Chaz stays in the cage yelling at him, instead waiting for about six other guys to grab Dane and throw him in.  This Chaz guy may be the single worst babyface I’ve ever seen.

And I’m living in the Roman Reigns era.

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Finally both guys are in, and the cage is lifted 175′ (or 190′, according to the Bull) into the night sky.  And…well…we can see pretty much nothing.  This despite us being told we CAN see everything, thanks to, and I am quoting here, “the great GWF crew!”

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Wait, I stand corrected.  We get shots of feet kicking and dangling slightly outside of the cage.

That seriously may be the worst use of 5MB of bandwidth I’ve ever had on this site.

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FINALLY we get some action, with Dane hanging onto the cage for dear life as he very delicately ‘stomps’ on Chaz, who is teetering on the edge of falling backwards out of the cage.

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Just as it looks most bleak, Chaz snatches victory from the jaws of defeat.  And by ‘snatching victory’, I mean blatantly grabbing Dane by the groin and throwing him to the ground. If ever we needed a clip of Vince McMahon saying, “What a maneuver!”, it’s here.

After Dane attempts to end Chaz’s life by pulling him out of the cage as it’s being lowered to the ground, our hero celebrates by running to his mommy and crying.

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Really.  I’m not joking.

He then cuts what may be the most horrible promo in the last 20 years (and that includes gems such as this and this and this).  Egads.

To quote the dirt worst babyface I ever did see, “I need not say no more!”

Written by

Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!
44 Responses to "INDUCTION: The Bungee Cord Match – If You Like Dangling Feet, This is the Match For You!"
  1. Bobby Knightmare says:

    A match that lasted longer than the actual bungee craze itself

  2. BungeeCordMatchFan says:

    I have been waiting for this induction forever!!! Great job RD!

  3. MoonRox says:

    Good Lord, GWF! I remember Booker t and Stevie Ray were there as the Ebony Express, babyfaces. Loved me some EbExpress….and that Maniac Mike Davis moon-rock nonsense, holy isht. I remember that fondly. If I remember correctly Eddie Gilbert was on the roster there as well. Thanks RD, the GWF show was something I had forgotten about (repressed?)

  4. Thomas says:

    Yep, Madison did write about it, and it’s in the Archives. I actually read it a few days ago.

  5. MisterForth says:

    This match seemed like the product of whiskey.

  6. Sean Bateman says:

    Still a better match than any gimmick match in TNA, except the Ultimate X

  7. Nicholas Nutter says:

    Maniac Mike Davis was the MVP of that freakin’ place circa ’92/’93. Some awesome promos, and was controlled by the moonrock.

    For the record, The Boss was revealed to be Commissioner Max Andrews, in one of the first ever instances of the heel authority figure (an angle which they ended like a week later). The Cartel consisted of Cactus Jack, Scottie Flamingo (a great smart-ass heel that eventually morphed into Raven), Rip Rogers and Makhan Sing (aka Mike Shaw, aka Bastion Booger).

    This company is an interesting little nugget, as it was the first place I ever saw Mick Foley, Raven, JBL, Shawn Waltman, Jerry Lynn, Harlem Heat, Buff Bagwell (Handsome Stranger might be another good induction) and Eddie Gilbert, as I’d just started watching wrestling in 1991.

    WWE has their library, but mainly for their USWA material that came with it.

    • KatieVictoriasSecret says:

      Mike Davis was a wonderful comedy heel, honestly – he also did a masked duel role gimmick as “the Viper” and ran around in a green leotard hissing like a snake.

    • Hobu0 says:

      I remember they had a battle royale, and frickin Maniac Mike yelled, ran to the ropes and eliminated himself in highly hilarious fashion. My cousin and laughed about it for weeks!

  8. John C says:

    In case Special Referee Kevin was injured I’m sure Dennis Stamp would have leapt for joy at this opportunity. (Cue the trampoline sound effects). The joy of those Sid & Jumping Jeff promos bring such joy to my heart, even after all these years they make me laugh like a psycho. (Sycho)

  9. KatieVictoriasSecret says:

    When I was twelve to fourteen I was an absolute MARK for this promotion. The gloriously low-rent cheesiness

    What I remember the GWF for:

    – One of the biggest feuds in the company was once Eddie Gilbert versus Bruce “Brother Love” Prichard, who did the loudmouth yet chicken shit heel manager thing and at one point claimed he knew “ka-rah-tay.”

    – Brandon Davis, teen beat reporter, who stayed with the company for so long HE ended up being one of the big lead heels before the promotion folded.

    – Folksy commentary from John Tatum. The guy loved to plug whichever restaurant he liked when they had him on headset.

    – Rod Price, Tatum’s partner, who became the GWF champion and had an embarrassing defeat when someone ripped out his weave.

    – Being a launching pad for Harlem Heat (The Ebony Experience/Express) and Scott “Scotty the Body” Levy (there was so much rapping. So much rapping. Yes, kids, Raven used to rap).

    – John Bradshaw Layfield as a smilin’ cowboy babyface.

    It was great, great formative cheese and I loved it.

    • Adam says:

      Others I remember:

      – Max Payne and his wife/valet Samantha

      – Referee turned wrestler James Beard

      – Gary Young

      – Sweet Daddy Falcone (a gangster from the 20’s)

      The best memory I have of GWF was a match that was to be scored by judges between Eddie Gilbert and someone else… It ended in disqualification, then one of the judges (Bruce Pritchard) announced that before the DQ he had Gilbert’s opponent ahead 63-32. I am fairly sure of the scores. I remember them because even at the time, I wondered where the heck he got those numbers from.

      • Gold Standard says:

        I forgot about Sweet Daddy Falcone….used to put his left leg under his right when he did a leg drop, then blew out his knee during a match and was done for 2 years.

      • KatieVictoriasSecret says:

        I completely forgot about Maxx Payne! And that they had James Beard wrestle! Also they had Barry Horrorwitz for awhile; when I met him at a con ages and ages ago I complimented him on his GWF work and he seemed surprised anyone remembered he was there.

        Gilbert’s opponent was the Patriot; I think this was just before he turned babyface and Prichard was revealed as a secret heel who was behind the whole Dark Patriot thing. I don’t believe I remember all of that but like I said, this was formative stuff for me.

    • Hobu0 says:

      It seemed like Rod Price was champion FOREVER. It was probably only a few months, but I wanted him to lose so bad!

      There was a native American guy who was going broke, but won the TV title which naturally meant he made more money and could afford a home! 😀

      • KatieVictoriasSecret says:

        I remember that angle! But I think it was Manny Villolobos whose “Family” needed the money for the home. I remember them talking on TV about (the kayfabe) version of his family being in line for their own house and all they needed was for Manny to win the big prize so they could move in. I don’t remember how they resolved the feud tho.

  10. Gerard says:

    Wrestling promoters have to try every crazy idea at least once from having divas wrestle in every gooey substance you can think of from chocolate pudding to gravy then putting triple in a hogpen where he had to in fight in mud and uhm pig doodie!! And that’s just in the mainstream feds the stuff they make wrestlers do in indie and extreme underground federations is the stuff of nightmares go look at fmw or czw for the insane stuff they order wrestlers makes hitting your your opponent’s with a chair or putting them through a table look tame by comparison!!!

  11. John Q Occupier says:

    “If you like dangling feet, this is the match for you!”

    For the love of God, someone stop this damn match… from being seen by Snitsky!

  12. Gold Standard says:

    I actually know Chaz Taylor and his dad Tugboat Taylor (both were in Global). Chaz won’t even talk about the match. I know Tug didn’t want to have them do it because he thought it was a bad idea. I worked Mike Davis right before he died and he laughed about it, but didn’t remember much except his moonrock bit.

    Other names from Global, Lighting Kid (X-Pac), Exotic Adrian Street, Private Terry Daniels, Jerry Flynn, The fantastics had a cup of coffee there, and a few others that are escaping me at this point. It started off like a it had potential (taking over WCCW and AWA’s time slot on ESPN) with a heavyweight title tourney (won by The Patriot) but fell apart right after that with WCW meets TNA meets bad indy booking.

    On a side note, I think Chaz is still wrestling in Houston. If not, he just retired. And he’s now a heel. He puts a bag of peanuts in your mouth so you can suck on his “Nutsack”.

    • KatieVictoriasSecret says:

      I absolutely cannot picture Chazz as a heel; he’s sort of stuck in my mind as a smiling milk-drinking babyface. I’m glad he and Tug went on to keep working in the area.

      And Terry Simms! The company made a huge deal about him wrestling under his real name for some reason.

      If I remember right, the bad TV was a combination of infighting over the head booker position (I think Eddie Gilbert vs Dutch Mantel, which was exacerbated when Gilbert left the company with the heavyweight championship to go to ECW in a quasi Ric Flair move) and the fact that ESPN absolutely refused to let them show any color (I think because of the afternoon timeslot?) but guys would blade constantly and major angles would involve the ol’ crimson mask. Gilbert won the belt from the Dark Patriot in a barbed wire match that never made TV, for instance, and the beatdown where he turned heel was interspersed with crowd shots because he bladed.

  13. RD Reynolds says:

    You guys are dredging up a lot of memories on here!

  14. Geoff says:

    I’m old enough to remember all this but I don’t think I ever saw it. For two reasons:

    1. Didn’t have the channel
    2. At the time was a HUGE WWE fan. My faves back then were Randy Savage, Undertaker, Ultimate Warrior, Barbarian, Warlord, Big Boss Man, Andre the Giant and Demolition. Vince put his show on main stream channels (like local channels would show his Saturday morning main event) every time he had a show so that was my place every Sat morning to be in front of the TV watching Dino Bravo and the Earthquake (john Tenta) take on Tugboat and Hulk Hogan or any number of low carders like Barry Horowitz take on mid carders like Rick Martel.

    Sure would’ve been nice to have the channel to see all this great action. They have AWA reruns now.

  15. A guy from Germany says:

    If I remember correctly the Dark Patriot was Doug Gilbert, Eddies brother.

    • KatieVictoriasSecret says:

      Yep, the Dark Patriot was definitely Doug, or at least he was during Gilbert’s time in the fed. I forget what happened to the character after Eddie quit the promotion.

  16. Guest says:

    “This Chaz guy may be the single worst babyface I’ve ever seen.

    And I’m living in the Roman Reigns era”.

    Did you live in the Diesel, David Flair, Sandman, Ahmed Johnson, Great Khali, Santino, and Scott Steiner eras?

  17. Anonymous says:

    Love seeing inductions from old school lesser known promotions like this.

  18. Logan says:

    GWF had some big names, Cactus Jack, Raven, JBL, Sean Waltman, Harlem Heat, Steve Austin, The Rottens, Ian and Axl, and Koko B. Ware, just to name a few. ESPN Classic currently runs 3 episodes Thursday nights from 7-10.

    • KatieVictoriasSecret says:

      I was wondering if ESPN’s offshoots were still airing it; it used to be a staple for years on ESPN 2.

  19. Mark Markham says:

    Terry Simms brings up an interesting pro-wrestling story. He was originally in a heel tag-team called ‘Beauty and the Beast’. Terry Simms played the effeminate, flaming gay stereotype ‘Beauty’. I don’t remember who ‘Beast’ was. It turns out that Terry looked a lot like Jimmy Garvin–long curly hair, mustache and whatnot, so when the tag-team broke up, he remained heel and was billed as ‘Terry Garvin’. Shortly after this happened, there was a huge sex scandal involving the “real” Terry Garvin. This Terry Garvin (also a wrestling stage name) actually was an open homosexual, and the scandal involved underage ring boys and the like. It made national headlines and was featured on both Larry King and Phil Donahue (he was a big deal television talk show host for you younguns). Prior to the scandal the “real” Terry Garvin had teamed with “brother” Ron Garvin and both were managed by “brother” Jimmy Garvin (Jimmy actually being Ron’s step-son). After the scandal broke, “Global” Terry Garvin got a haircut, trimmed his beard and mustache and started wrestling under the Terry Simms name and went babyface all the way.

    I can’t remember if they ever mentioned the scandal on the Global show, but I remember as a kid that I was totally confused, and thought they changed his name and look to “hide” the wrestler facing accusations. Back then without an internet or forums to check, I had no idea that there were two “Terry Garvins”. Next time I post I’ll talk about how I believed Arn and Ole were real-life brothers for years…I mean like maybe only seven or eight years ago finding out it was kayfabe…and I’ve allegedly been “smart” for decades.

    • Gold Standard says:

      I forgot about Beauty and the Beast too. The Beast was the Sid Vicious version of Lord Humongous.

    • Hobu0 says:

      I always used to think the GWF Terry Garvin (Simms) was the guy invoved in the scandal.

      I remember he had a North American Title shot against Rod Price, but Price and Gary Hart poisoned him before the match. As he was succumbing to the effects of the poison, Price used an airplane spin as a finisher to win.

      I swear I’m not making that up

      • KatieVictoriasSecret says:

        I can vouch for this happening. Storyline wise, Price’s title reign was an inexplicable fever dream in the best of ways.

    • Michael says:

      If I remember correctly and I haven’t watched this since it aired originally but the reason for the name change given by the announcers was that Terry “Beauty” Garvin had a relative (sister? niece?) who was battling a critical illness and he changed his name to Simms in tribute to his ailing relative. Nothing alluded to the WWF scandal.

    • KatieVictoriasSecret says:

      This is such a cool bit of info! On TV I think they played off his choice to be Terry Simms by saying he wanted to be the ‘real him’ and make his family proud under his own name.

  20. CF says:

    [Phoenix Wright] *OBJECTION*! [/Phoenix Wright]

    (NERD CRED: ESTABLISHED. 🙂 )

    The cinema release of _Independence Day_ did *not* have Randy Quaid’s characters flying a crop-duster into the alien ship’s city-killer cannon — the scene appears in the novelization (guess how I know? 😉 ), and the scene was filmed; but then the film’s makers realized “this is too stupid even for this movie”, and so Quaid’s character was allowed to fly an F-18 Hornet with a missile which wouldn’t launch.

    Oh, and: Yeah, this match was really *&^%$#!ing dumb. 🙂

  21. Hobu0 says:

    Oh, and I believe Chaz’ finisher was a version of the La magistral cradle which he called, then”Chaz-tiser”

  22. Chaz Taylor says:

    Thank you RD Reynolds for you opinion and the write up. We were all disappointed with the outcome of the cameras and equipment inside the cage. You can see the camera was working until we raised up in the air. Having been the first of its kind, nobody knew the camera in the cage would go out. We were assured that it would not and we didn’t need a back up camera. Well, we see the result of no back up camera. When people have an opinion about a high risk situation like this,ask yourself if you would have the balls to do it.
    RD,
    Thanks again,
    Chaz

  23. BW says:

    Not only that, but there was a wrestler in GWF named Big Bad John. Years later, you’d see him as Buck, the big bald mercenary who gets his junk in a claw hold courtesy of Morena Baccarin in Deadpool!

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