INDUCTION: Jeff Jarrett and the Fat Ladies – They Sang Alright…Not for Hogan, but for WCW

15 Submitted by on Thu, 11 July 2019, 20:00
WCW, 2000

“How is this not like number four or five in WrestleCrap’s worst moments in the history of World Championship Wrestling? Does nobody remember this?” – Bryan Alvarez, Bryan and Vinny Show July 2nd 2019

One of my favorite days is Wednesday, as that is when I get my favorite weekly podcast fix, the weekly show where Bryan, Vinny, and the woefully underrated Craig go back to review Raw and Nitro from 19 years ago this week. It’s a wonderful time capsule of days we all look back on with rose colored glasses, with Bryan and his cronies noting that things weren’t so great back then after all. It was a recent episode that leads to our induction today.

To answer my illustrious co-author of Death of WCW…well, you hit the nail on the head.

Because no one remembers it.

Until today, that is.

For this day is when I am going to go back and give it its long-overdue induction. So back we go to the glory days of Vince Russo’s second run on Nitro, this time joined by Eric Bischoff to make things even more insane. When this was announced, it was presented as two of wrestling biggest geniuses getting together, pooling their creative juices in the hopes of helping a struggling company find its path.

Sound familiar?

Yeah – WWE is pulling a trick out of the dying days of WCW playbook, this time with Vince bringing Paul Heyman to Raw and Eric Bischoff to Smackdown so as to give the company a kick in the pants. To make things even more interesting, sources have told this reporter that while Bischoff recently got the nod from Vince McMahon to run Smackdown, his wasn’t the only name in consideration. Apparently Jeff Jarrett, who is backstage with WWE at this time as well, was also in the running.

Please, dear reader, take a minute and just look at the image of Jeff above – he’s wearing a paper-thin lime green dress shirt with the sleeves cut off, which he has also sprayed down with water.

I hope that he wore that for his interview with Vince. It may explain why Bischoff got the job.

And look, yeah, I know he was a heel at the time of this induction taking place, but seriously – did he really look in the mirror and think, “Now this…THIS is will get a reaction!”

Eh, I’m writing about it NINETEEN YEARS LATER, so if he did, bravo to him.

(But I’m still not removing Double J as an induction. I know a lot of folks liked it, but sorry, the gimmick of a guy using the WWF to propel a country music career absolutely sucked.)

This night, Jarrett comes out and begins to spin a yarn of when he was a “Little Slap Nut.” For you younger Crappers, that was an insult Jeff used during this run, referring to folks he didn’t care for as “slap nuts”. According to this story, he was also, in his younger days, a slap nut, which would mean he didn’t like himself either. Also, by that logic, he is now he a full grown slap nut.

Jarrett continues, now talking of how Grandslappy Nut would pay a nickel so he could watch the “great Hulk Hogan wrestler.” I know you look at that as I do and think that’s one of those usual closed caption glitches on the Network, but it’s not. That verbiage would seem to indicate that it wasn’t Hogan himself, but a man who constantly wrestled Hogan. And was great.

I’ve put far too much thought into this.

On the plus side, those were the first sentences in about 37 that didn’t include the term “slap nut.”

As the title of this induction would indicate, Jarrett has friends to which he will introduce us, namely his fat ladies. The gag here being that the fat lady needed to sing, as he was going to put an end, once and for all, to his opponent the following Sunday, Hulk Hogan.

Sho nuff, we get plus-sized women wearing viking outfits slowly (and I do mean SLOWLY) making their way down to ringside as the commentators mock their beefy frames. While I generally think Mark Madden is a dope (going WAY back when he sent me hate mail for inducting his match on the site like 18 years ago!), I gotta give him mad props here for quoting This is Spinal Tap.

I noted above that the women weren’t quick to get to the ring, but holy smokes they were Usain Bolt getting down there versus them actually being able to get through the ropes. I know that GIF is like 1.5GB in size and likely crashed 4 of the 11 computers that still visit this site, but I wanted to present, in all its glory, just what a struggle it was for these poor girls to actually squeeze into the ring. It wasn’t their girth so much, but the ridiculous outfits they sported that was the issue.

I don’t think Mantaur had horns that big!

The women get into the ring, but instead of singing we get a Q&A SESSION with them. As if this thing wasn’t dying a gag-inducing stinky death already.

First question: who is going to win the match with Hogan this Sunday? The first two note that it will be Jarrett.

The third one? She not only says it will be “The Chosen One”…

…but to get the point fully across, she begins groping herself in the process.

I wasn’t planning on doing an updated WrestleCrap Book of Lists, but…

…Mrs. Deal!

Get ECW Press on the line, right now!

The gals start their concert, and it’s just as horrendous as you’d expect it to be. I love it that the ‘fat ladies’ are singing while there’s a giant Nitro logo in the background.

What was it that Scott Keith used to say about loving shoot comments that aren’t meant to be shoot comments?

Finally, Standards and Practices has seen enough, with Gaylen Chandler making his way to the ring and telling them to cut and take it to commercial.

Backstory here: WCW creative would often run afoul of the actual Turner Standards and Practices division, with the folks in charge of making sure the network didn’t get complaints asking those in charge of wrestling to pull back on some of the company’s more outlandish stunts. And yes, there was in fact a man working there actually named Gaylen Chandler. Thus we got a character on-screen named the same.

Why those in charge of wrestling companies want to mock people in power on the networks on which they air I will never know. ECW would do the same thing when they were on TNN, talking about how the network sucked and never promoted them. So this isn’t a knock against those in charge of WCW in the year 2000, but those in charge of ECW in the year 2000 as well.

Did I mention that now, nineteen years later, those same people are heading up Rawand Smackdown?

Back in the ring, Chandler’s appearance didn’t cause Jarrett to slow his bombastic assault, but rather to double down on it, noting that there were “fat asses” in the ring. This is generally where I’d type something like, “this would never fly in 2019”, but honestly, it flopped spectacularly here as well.

Mid-promo, Jarrett’s mic gets cut off. I’m not sure if that was due to his off-color comments or if WCW just had bad equipment.

Flip a coin, you’re probably right.

Nor did it shock me when Jarrett decided to whack Chandler with his guitar…and the crack WCW crew missed getting that on camera.

Long story long – this was a disaster in every sense of the word. Not sure it was one of the five worst WCW segments of all time, but it would be way up there for sure. Speaking of which, this was the final build to the infamous Bash at the Beach PPV, where we had the Hogan-Russo worked shoot.

You know what, let’s just go to the book, shall we?

The fun and games went right out the window on July 9th at Bash at the Beach when Russo booked another one of his beloved shoot angles.  Before going into the details of what really happened backstage, let’s take a look at what fans saw on television.

Russo came out before the match looking sad.  Jarrett and Hogan both came down to the ring and looked at each other.  Jarrett then laid down in the ring and Hogan, feigning confusion, put his foot on Jarrett’s chest for the pin.  Russo threw the belt into the ring for Hogan. Jarrett walked to the back looking irate.  Hogan told Russo this was all bullshit, then stormed off himself.  Fans sat there wondering what in God’s name was happening.

Later, Russo came out and just went off on Hogan. Amidst chants of “Russo sucks!” from the crowd, Russo bared his soul to the world:

“From day one, since I’ve been in WCW, I’ve done nothing but deal with the bullshit politics behind that curtain. The fact of the matter is I have a wife, I have three kids at home, and I really don’t need this shit. But let me tell you the reason why I did come back. I came back for every one of the guys in that locker room that, week in, week out, busts his ass for WCW . . . I came back for the guys behind that curtain that give a shit about this company! And let me tell you who doesn’t give a shit about this company—that Goddamned politician Hulk Hogan! Because let me tell you people what happened in this ring here tonight. All day long I’m playing politics with Hulk Hogan because Hulk Hogan tonight wants to play his creative control card. And to Hulk Hogan that meant tonight, even though he knows it’s bullshit, he beats Jeff Jarrett. Well, guess what? Hogan got his wish. Hogan got his belt, and he went the hell home, and I promise everybody or else I’ll go in the Goddamned grave you will never see that piece of shit again! And Hogan, you big bald son of a bitch, kiss my ass!”

From there, things went totally awry, with lawsuits (“you can’t call me bald, brother!”) and lunacy that could have only happened in WCW. What can I say? It’s all in the book.

Back to the fat ladies. They did in fact prove to be prophetic – his match against Jarret was the last time Hogan was ever seen in WCW. As cliched as it was, the fat lady did sing, and that was the end for the Hulkster.

Oh, and WCW would die less than a year later.

I sure hope those women got paid double for their efforts.


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15 Responses to "INDUCTION: Jeff Jarrett and the Fat Ladies – They Sang Alright…Not for Hogan, but for WCW"
  1. BretFart says:

    These WCW in 2000 inductions are the best. The remarkable thing is I know I watched the programming at the time and yet I have absolutely zero recollection of just about anything that happened during the death throes of WCW. Jarrett’s fat ladies, Barry Darsow’s amnesia gimmick, Basket Case, etc. I truly can’t recall watching any of this crap.

  2. The Doctor of Style says:

    That gif of them getting into the ring is hilarious!

    I take it they didn’t rehearse this.

  3. #OPC says:

    It’s crazy to think Nitro was around for about six years, while Impact is coming close to fifteen!

  4. Brandon says:

    Oh, I never forgot this segment, as it took place in my hometown of Charleston, WV and was the only time I ever got to go to a live WCW show.

  5. Sean Bateman says:

    RD quoting his Death of WCW co-writer/buddy in a review? bravo.

  6. Jay says:

    I was stationed in Japan from mid 2000-mid 2001. So the only WCW I got see was the occasional PPV that was broadcast on AFN. I read the recaps online for Nitro and Thunder. My GOD…if the recaps were bad, I can’t IMAGINE the live versions.

  7. Christopher Haydu says:

    Somebody correct me if I’m wrong, but do you think it’s possible that Vince Russo purposely wrote the worked shoot angle with the intent of getting Hogan to leave WCW and not come back? The way I’ve heard it, once 2000 arrived and the glory years of 1996 – 1999 were over, WCW once again could not afford to pay Hogan his salary demands, so keeping him off the show basically became a cost cutting measure. So, if that’s true, this really wasn’t a worked shoot as much as it was an actual shoot because WCW likely hoped that if Hogan sued, they could offer to let him out of his contract and this get out of the financial obligation. Was Hogan paid until WCW folded? If WCW got rid of him, then Russo deserves a lot of credit because he not only set the wheels in motion for it, people still debate whether the worked shoot was really real or not. If WCW didn’t get out of paying Hogan, well, Russo still deserves an A for effort.

  8. John C says:

    “Haaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaa haaaa, get me Kevin Dunn on the line pal. I just figured out how to get The Viking…whatever their name is this week, finally over. Haaaaaaa haaaaaaa haaa. Vince you’ve done it again, you clever bastard, I love me.”

  9. KatieVictoriasSecret says:

    When everyone got really excited about Raw two weeks ago because Cory Graves got to swear and we got lotsa hosses punching each other, I was like “y’all don’t remember the dowside of having Heyman and Bisch book shows, do you?”

    Then this week’s Raw happened. Whoops.

    Jeff Jarrett’s WCW lead heel push was so weird because he never had that exciting tweener mojo that WCW desperately needed to beat Austin/Mankind/Rock over on the Other Brand. I always feel like he made a better earnest babyface than a slimy/misogynist/nut slapping heel, but that’s just my observation.

  10. Preparation Triple H says:

    If you ever induct the WCW 2000 Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobbs Falls Count Anywhere match (where someone was actually counted out), you must include Vinny’s reaction to it.

    • Tempest Fennac says:

      From what I’ve heard about the Nitro episode which featured that, it would probably be worth inducting the entire episode.

  11. ThePWBPoster says:

    You might say RD this:

    “it was presented as two of wrestling biggest geniuses getting together, pooling their creative juices in the hopes of helping a struggling company find its path”

    Need I say Lashley’s sisters segment was happening before Bischoff came back, yes Paul Heyman was in the WWE at that time but not in the capacity he is now. RAW will always have some sort of crap segment no matter who is in charge (Cuckold Mike and Maria Kanellis anyone?) and realistically nothing will change that not even upstart AEW. You might say Vince pressed the Panic button, but at least he didn’t bring Russo back in. Yet…

    This is a great induction otherwise. I guess you can call this selective thinking. I don’t remember it, because obviously I didn’t want too.

  12. Captain Obvious says:

    “Why those in charge of wrestling companies want to mock people in power on the networks on which they air I will never know. ECW would do the same thing when they were on TNN, talking about how the network sucked and never promoted them.”

    WWE actually did the same in 2000 and slowly began to create a faction named Right To Censor with Steven Richards as parody role of L Brent Bozell III. They would also bash USA Network around fall 2001 on commentary (with Jim Ross & Paul Heyman) while RAW was in the midst of moving to the TNN Network in 2001 and remained there until returning to USA Network in 2005. Vince McMahon once stated that he felt WWE always had a “chilly” relationship with USA Network and thus didn’t want to air all WWE weekly live and syndicated programming on there. So he would join with other competing networks i.e. SyFy, CW, NBC etc. for support.

  13. Mike Parker says:

    Welcome to the post-concussion syndrome variety hour, hosted by Vince Russo!

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