Induction: WrestleCrap’s 21st Anniversary Special

10 Submitted by on Thu, 01 April 2021, 20:00

This induction is dedicated to Blade Braxton and all the other members of the WrestleCrap family we’ve lost along the way.

On April 1st, 2000, WrestleCrap.com first arrived on the internet. The intervening twenty-one years have provided the site with never-ending fodder for our famous inductions, whether it be old footage uploaded to Youtube or new, ridiculous angles and characters presented on TV every week. This year, it falls to me to commemorate this momentous anniversary.

Before I get to this week’s induction, I have to set the scene and talk a little bit about The Berzerker.

Before War Machine gave WWE the full viking experience, Berzerker was the only openly Norse wrestler in the company’s history.

The ‘Zerker’s specialty was chucking jobbers over the top rope and winning by countout – in fact, that’s how he picked up each and every one of his televised victories during his two-year run with the company.

With such a literal over-the-top style, it’s no wonder he won the 40-man battle royal on Prime Time Wrestling. It’s also no wonder that he never won a championship (though I’m sure Hulk Hogan wasted countless hours trying to convince Berzerker to let him put him over).

But before he was The Berzerker, or even “The Viking”, John Nord was Nord the Barbarian…

…which brings us to this 1987 video tape, “A Day in the Life of Nord the Barbarian”.

Designed to promote Nord’s wrestling career and/or his dad’s used car dealership, the tape opened with the Barbarian suplexing a customer through a windshield for missing a payment.

Jeez, they could have just hired the Repo Man.

Our host, an expert psychiatrist, was there to prove that Nord, “America’s foremost barbarian” was just an ordinary man. A sensitive man, even.

As a barbarian, Nord had to contend with the stereotypes and wildly inaccurate history taught in Minnesota public schools. “I think I learned about barbarians in school“, said an elementary-aged boy. “They raped and pillaged most of northern Minnesota.”

You hear that? Besides garbage history, kids in the ’80s were learning awful words like, “pillage”.

But real-life barbarians like Nord were men of depth and feeling. Just ask his ex-girlfriend, who revealed that not only was Nordy a terrific kisser, he was also a passionate and poetic soul. In fact, they once read Rod McKuen poetry until Nord was moved to throw her through a windshield. Honestly, if I had to listen to “Seasons in the Sun” all the way through, I’d have thrown myself through a windshield. (Ask your grandparents about that one, kids)

He was also a graceful and artistic athlete, said his college gymnastics coach.

But if testimonials weren’t enough to convince you of the Barbarian’s humanity, cameras followed Nord for an entire day, from when he picked an outfit from his wardrobe…

…to when he ate his combination Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles…

(Go to hell, John Cena)

…to when he stopped off at the bank.

After approving his request for a $3000 loan for food…

…Nord the Barbarian needed to show some ID to prove it was really him and not some other barbarian (Sione, for instance).

Next it was time to go shopping at Jerry’s Meat Market…

…where Nord double-fisted shopping carts and stocked up on the entire cast of Babe, including the old farmer.

Nord interrupted his cholesterol orgy to stop and smell some pretty flowers…

“Well, I suppose this one looks a bit like me”

…and pick up his favorite vitamins.

Then it was off to work at the family car dealership…

…where he beat the piss out of deadbeats.

After a brief workout, it was time for Nord to hit the ring for his famous night job. Walter Becker was on hand to ask Nord about his recent babyface turn. “I’m big, and I’m unique!” said the body-positive Barbarian. “Fatso fatso pants on fire!” he then yelled at his opponent.

“Gotta go to work now!” he grunted to no one in particular. I used to do that every morning at 7 until my neighbors told me to shut up. (I’m kidding; in fact they asked nicely)

Some Rocky-esque music soundtracked his match with Soldat Ustinov, in which Nord did the impossible by actually pinning his opponent. This obviously called for a celebration at the local bar…

…which brought in two full kegs in preparation.

Before Nord could imbibe any (root) beer, his wife called up asking for him. Fortunately, his buddies at the bar covered for him.

All in all, the 20-minute tape was a real hoot, which is why you’ll never, ever see it inducted on this site. But the point is, by the time Nord established himself in the WWF, his hair had grown much longer and wilder.

Despite the change in hairstyle, though, his attitude remained the same. The same could not be said for the subject of this week’s induction, Dolph Ziggler.

WWE, 2011

In 2011, WWE didn’t think Dolph Ziggler would ever be credible so long as he wore slicked-back bleach-blond hair…

…so he cut it, dyed it brown, and wrestled for the next six weeks as The New and Improved Dolph Ziggler, with a new look and a new attitude.

(The attitude? More aggressive. The look? Evan Bourne)

Everyone hated it.

Written by

A wrestling fan ever since the days of Wrestlemania IX, Art graduated from college in the same building where Art Donovan called King of the Ring 1994. He also runs the "How Much Does This Guy Weigh?" blog, where he reviews New Generation-Era Monday Night Raws. Follow him on Twitter @Art0Donnell. Email at: art@wrestlecrap.com
10 Responses to "Induction: WrestleCrap’s 21st Anniversary Special"
  1. Rose Harmon says:

    RIP Hobo

  2. Chris says:

    True fact: In the early-2000s, the comic artist Cary Nord did the artwork on the Conan the Barbarian comic book.
    It was almost as if someone wanted to quietly honour Nord the Barbarian through the comic.

  3. Thomas R. Mossman says:

    I’ll admit, the long walk to a Dolph Ziggler burn did get a laugh out of me.

  4. Sean Bateman says:

    Happy Anniversary, ‘crap

  5. Mr Forth says:

    Am not joking, there is a supermarket near me named Jerry’s King of Meats.

  6. PlasticDiverGuy says:

    Now that’s a used car dealer I can get behind. Especially if they offer a no windshield discount.

  7. Eddie Ellner Jr says:

    Wasn’t Cena’s Fruity Pebbles originally a joke about RD?

    • Autrach Sejanoz says:

      Pretty sure it came from a Rock promo where he talked about John Cena’s bright T-shirts. “You’re walking around here like a big fat bowl of Fruity Pebbles!”

  8. Jay says:

    No HUSS?!?

  9. jey says:

    You’re a gift.

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