Headlies: WWE Unveils New Network Show “Everybody Hates Dolph Ziggler”

3 Submitted by on Mon, 03 July 2017, 08:00

Hollywood, FL – WWE CEO Vince McMahon announced at a press conference earlier today that the newest original programming on the WWE Network would be a reality show called “Everybody Hates Dolph Ziggler”.

McMahon, flanked by his daughter Stephanie and Ziggler himself, explained the premise.

“We have Dolph Ziggler going around the country and tape people saying awful things about him!” laughed McMahon.

The room was silent.

“Don’t you get it?” asked McMahon.

“So…you’re spending thousands of dollars sending one of your hardest working wrestlers all over the country just so people can be mean to him?” asked one reporter.

“Ahahahahahaha!” laughed McMahon. “See? It’s even funnier when you put it that way! Go ahead, give it a try!”

The room remained quiet.

“Fine, I’ll start it off. Dolph, you smell!” yelled McMahon.

“Your hair looks like old Ramen noodles!” said Stephanie.

“No one knows if you’re a face or a heel!” shouted someone from the back of the room that sounded a lot like Triple H.

“What about the ‘Be A STAR’ program?” asked a second reporter.

“We think in this case that it’s perfectly fine to bully Dolph,” said Stephanie.

“Are you worried that Dolph may leave the WWE once his contract is up and go to, say, New Japan?” asked a third reporter.

“No, of course not!” said McMahon. “Also, what’s a ‘New Japan’? That sounds ridiculous! I’ve never even heard of it, so it can’t be real! Besides, we already re-signed Dolph!”

A surprised murmur grew in the crowd.

“What are the stipulations of the contract?”

Ziggler mumbled something unintelligible, causing the reporters to ask him to repeat himself.

“First dibs at catering, 6 months of improv lessons, and a starring role in the next WWE Studios movie,” said Ziggler quietly.

Tell them the name of the movie,” implored McMahon.

Ziggler sighed and said, “Everybody Hates Dolph Ziggler: The Movie”.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHA!” laughed McMahon, his fist pounding on a table, as Ziggler wiped a single tear from his eye.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
3 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Unveils New Network Show “Everybody Hates Dolph Ziggler”"
  1. John C says:

    The show will be paired with Everybody Better Start Loving Roman Cause He Ain’t Going Away Anytime Soon

  2. The Gold Standard says:

    I may be in the minority, but I’m not really a big Dolph Ziggler fan. I find him boring and monotonous. He may be a hard worker but I don’t get the fascination with him.

    His “charisma” comes off as forced, he doesn’t strike me as a particularly fun or interesting person…even coming off as a bit stalkerish, and he doesn’t seem strong enough to carry a match on his own.

    I thought he was more entertaining in the Spirit Squad….at least he had 4 other goofs to play from.

  3. Konietzko says:

    Classic stitch-up

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