Orlando, FL – Due to the COVID-19 pandemic and restricted travel, WWE has been forced to change locations for Wrestlemania 36 to the Impact Zone.
Originally, the “Showcase Of The Immortals” was take place at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida on April 5th. City officials were unwilling to continue hosting the event, so WWE had to look for an alternate venue. While many considered the Performance Center, home to recent tapings of Smackdown and Raw, WWE officials were able to secure TNA’s former home, the Impact Zone.
At a press conference this morning from the empty studio, WWE CEO Vince McMahon announced the new location for Wrestlemania.
“As they say, ‘the show must go on’ and we owe the WWE Universe the best show possible,” said McMahon. “Luckily, our very own Kevin Dunn found this venue which will serve our needs perfectly. Atta boy, Kevin!”
McMahon then slapped WWE’s producer hard on the back.
“What was this studio used for previously?” asked one reporter.
“From what I understand, there used to be a program named, uh, ‘Tina Impact’. Am I saying that correctly?” asked McMahon with a shrug. “Must’ve been some sort of lady action show. Stephanie tells me those are a thing now. Since then, a few Universal Studio events and not much else.”
“Are there any problems this venue may pose for you?” asked another reporter.
“It will certainly be an adjustment from the spectacle that is Wrestlemania,” said McMahon. “The city of Orlando won’t let us cut off the roof the building, so no pyro. Less elaborate promos. No 20-minute Undertaker entrance. While there are some set backs, we will persevere.”
Dunn then whispered something into McMahon’s ear.
“Oh, that’s right,” laughed McMahon. “Apparently, there’s some sort of creepy organ music playing beneath the building. We think it’s coming from the sewers. The janitor claims it was a former occupant who went mad after her show ended and has not been seen since, but that’s probably just nonsense. Nothing will stop Wrestlemania! In fact, nothing will stop WWE!”
Deep beneath the Impact Zone, a shadowy figure played an ominous tune on a pipe organ. Red hair covering her voice, the mysterious musician cackled “Oh, nothing can stop Wrestlemania? We’ll see what the Wheel Of Dixie has to say about that, ya’ll! Muhahahahaha!”
The wheel, clacking loudly, landed on Knockouts Pillow Fight.
“Aw, dang it,” said the secretive figure. “Screw this, I’m going to Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville.”