West Hollywood, CA – An official document promoting Wrestlemania 32’s record-setting attendance has leaked online despite the event not taking place for another week.
Ryan Satin, Founder and Editor-In-Chief of ProWrestlingSheet.com, is reporting that WWE will be touting a new attendance record of “10 Cajillion people” at the event in Dallas.
“It’s no secret that WWE has been pushing hard to break their supposed attendance record of 93,173 set at Wrestlemania III,” said Satin from his solid gold boat. “There was a lot of speculation about how they were going to do it. Increased seating on the floor, obstructed seats, standing-room tickets. All of those things would increase the number. We’d expect the office to fudge the numbers a little bit. We didn’t think they’d just make up a number.”
“Sources with direct knowledge confirm this memo is 100% valid,” said Satin, surrounded by piles of money and many beautiful women. “It has all the hallmarks of being written by Vince McMahon. Lots of swears, numerous instances of addressing people as ‘pal’, and various other made-up words. For example, the letter refers to Roman Reigns as possessing ‘muscleosity’ and The Undertaker as ‘grimvil’. I think that’s a combination of grim and evil, but I’m not positive.”
WWE officials have denied any knowledge of the memo or the “10 Cajillion” number. McMahon himself addressed the report saying, “That’s absolutely ridiculable. I’m a cabillionaire for crying out loud. I don’t need to miscommunitize numbers. Wrestlemania 32 will be the biggest, must spectaulastic event in WWE history!”