Greenwich, CT – WWE CEO Vince McMahon has enlisted the help of several WWE Superstars to ensure that his Halloween party is the best ever.
Wrestlers gathered in the entry foyer of McMahon’s mansion which had recently been transformed for a Halloween party. Cobwebs had been stretched across the massive double staircase, plastic skeletons dangled from the expensive chandelier, and VHS copies of Halloween Havoc ’98 littered the floor.
“What is up, fam!?” said Vince McMahon, wearing a custom Versace suit and rainbow wig with animal ears. “Big ups to all of you. With your help, this Halloween party is going to be spook-tacular!”
The wrestlers gave polite, if slightly confused, applause.
“Anyway, I’ve got some tasks for you all. They are going to be totally lit. New Day, I want you in the basement dressed as ghosts. The Bar, I want you in the attic dressed like giant bats. Jinder, you’re working the fog machine and strobe lights. Alexa, you’re in charge of refreshments and dranks. Bray, don’t do anything. Khali, you’re going to be the DJ. Make sure the Ghostbusters theme song and other fat beats are cued up and ready for when the guests arrive. Entire Cruisterweight division, you’re my waiters and servers. Don’t talk or may eye contact with anyone, you feel me?”
“What about me, Vince?” asked Zack Ryder.
“Ryder, bruh, during the party I just want you to stand around in your Smackdown t-shirt,” said McMahon. “Reminding people you’re still on the roster will freak people out! It will be off the hook! Someone Frappacino me!”
“I have an idea for what I can do, Mr. McMahon,” said Finn Balor.
“Snapchat it to me, homie,” said McMahon while looking at his new iPhone.
“I could team up with my friends Gallows and Anderson. It worked great when we were in Japan and I think it’ll really spark a lot of interest with your guests. Maybe AJ Styles can join us too!”
McMahon nodded and contemplated Balor’s hopeful idea.
“Finn, that’s a dope idea, but I think I’ve got something better. You’re now a jack o’lantern. Paint yourself orange and hold this in your mouth the entire night.” McMahon then shoved a lit candle in Balor’s mouth. “Tight, yo! Now everyone clean this place up. I want it spotless before Roman, Randy, and John show up!”
“Mr. McMahon, why are you wearing that wig and talking like that?” asked Kevin Dunne.
“I’m a trill millennial, dude!” said McMahon proudly. “What else would be scarier?!” said the 72-year-old. “Now fill up the candy bowl with baggy pants, Instagrams, and crippling student debt.”