Headlies: “The Greatest Wrestling Match Ever” Will Be Repurposed Savage-Steamboat Footage

4 Submitted by on Mon, 01 June 2020, 08:00

Stamford, CT – WWE officials have discovered a way to ensure that the advertised “Greatest Wrestling Match Ever” between Randy Orton and Edge at Backlash will indeed be the world’s greatest wrestling match.

WWE CEO Vince McMahon and his writing team have been scrambling for weeks trying to think of a way to actually make another Orton-Edge match great. After proposing a “10,000 Whoopee Cushions” Match that was ultimately shot down due to logistics, McMahon was completely out of ideas.

“We really painted ourselves into a corner, pal,” said a bemused McMahon.

“It’s okay, Vince. We’ve got it all figured out,” assured Triple H.

“You found the 10,000 whoopee cushions?!” asked McMahon hopefully.

“Uhhh, no, but we have something that will make old fans and new fans happy,” said Triple H. “Kevin, would you mind explaining?”

“Thanks to modern editing techniques, we can use existing footage of the actual world’s greatest wrestling match,” said producer Kevin Dunn proudly. “We will edit Orton and Edge’s heads on to the bodies of Randy Savage and Ricky Steamboat from their Wrestlemania III match.

Dunn turned on a television, showing with beloved wrestling match, but with giant Randy Orton and Edge heads superimposed on wrestler’s bodies. The heads bounced around awkwardly, occasionally revealing Savage’s and Steamboat’s faces underneath. Announcing had also been edited to replace the original combatants’ names with Orton’s and Edge’s.

“Seamless!” exclaimed Dunn.

Triple H slumped in his chair, covering his face in embarrassment.

An uncomfortable silence hung over the meeting.

McMahon rose from his chair, walked to Dunn, and placed his hand on Dunn’s shoulder. Dunn shook with fear, believing that his Cal Ripken-like streak of employment was finally over

“Kevin… you’ve done it again! HAHAHAHA!” shouted McMahon. “This is truly fantastic work. It’s just missing something. We need that one tiny element that makes it go from great wrestling match to world’s greatest.”

Triple H sighed.

“I can photoshop in a whoopie cushion right before the finish,” suggested Dunn.

“Greatest. Wrestling. Match. Ever!” declared McMahon triumphantly.

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4 Responses to "Headlies: “The Greatest Wrestling Match Ever” Will Be Repurposed Savage-Steamboat Footage"
  1. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Another earlier idea came from Nipple H who proposed her involvement in the build up or match itself, “Before the match,” she squawked, “why don’t I get on the microphone and hype it up?”
    No response is recorded but there was a silence of ten minutes.

  2. Guy Incognito says:

    I like how Vince turned into Comic book Guy at the end.
    I also like how they’re actually using the Greatest Show song in a so horrible it’s ridiculous kind of way.

  3. John C says:

    It’s so bewildering why the insistence of putting this tagline for the match. You have two fine capable stars in a personal battle why cluster it up with a clunky McMahonerism. I’m beginning to think it will involve a pie fight and mud pitch shenanigans and it’s just a swerve bro, to just be a parody of what a “Meltzer Five Star Match” would be.

  4. Jeff Loomis says:

    This is clearly being done as a dig at all of the snarky nerds who make up the IWC…

    but mainly Meltzer and his contemporaries.

    Instead of… you know… improving the product– why not stick it to the naysayers and the detractors instead?!!

    Just think: if the booking is this bad now, just wait until Vince is in his 90’s, pal!

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