Headlies: The Bellas Receive Acting Lessons From The Miz’s Dad

6 Submitted by on Fri, 12 September 2014, 08:00


Baltimore, MD – The family feud between Brie and Nikki Bella has become a large part of WWE’s programming, but many backstage are not pleased with the Bellas’ performance.

“To say that I am less than happy with the Bellas is an understatement,” said Stephanie McMahon. “I’m asking for white-hot rage they’re giving me a hissy fit. I expect a lot more from our veterans. It’s clear we needed to look outside of the WWE for help. We needed to find someone to help guide the Bellas, to help them reach deep down within and bring their true emotions to the surface. We needed an A+ player. That’s when I called Donnie.”

The “Donnie” that McMahon was referencing was the father of the Miz. Miz’s father was last seen on WWE television several months ago casually watching his son being pummeled mercilessly by Randy Orton. For his non-efforts, he received the coveted “Father of the Year” award from the Father’s Day Council as well as a “World’s Best Dad” t-shirt and a honey-glazed ham.

Following another lackluster performance, the Miz’s father sat down with both Bellas to work on their performances.

“Nikki,” the Miz’s father said flatly. “You need to internalize your emotions. Really hold it inside. No need to yell or even raise your voice. And Brie, you need to not react at all,” he said between yawns. “Just stare blankly ahead. Try not to blink. Blinking doesn’t work. Sorry, didn’t mean to fly off the handle like that.”

Nikki Bella quietly nodded as her sister Brie took notes.

“As Steven Seagal said to Jenny McCarthy in ‘Saw 4D’, ‘Slow Ride’ by Foghat is the greatest rock n’ roll song ever.’ I think Sir Steven was right, girls. Slow ride. Take it easy. Give the audience nothing and they’ll love you even more. It worked for me,” said the Miz’s father as he took a long sip of Bud Light from his Randy Orton souvenir cup. He then “rested his eyes” for the the remainder of his meeting with the Bellas.

“I’m confident that with Donnie’s help, the Bellas will be able to right the ship and really send this feud into overdrive,” said McMahon. “Or at least get another season of Total Divas out of the E! Channel.”

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
6 Responses to "Headlies: The Bellas Receive Acting Lessons From The Miz’s Dad"
  1. RD Reynolds says:

    Raw would be so much better if Miz Sr. was the backstage interviewer.

  2. WP says:

    This is a little hard to believe.
    I have trouble seeing anyone in charge at WWE acknowledging the Bella’s are terrible.

    “Oh, the ratings drop during every Bella segment..? MAKE THEM LONGER!!! THE FANS LOVE THE BELLAS–THEY JUST DON’T KNOW IT YET!!!”

  3. Doc 902714 says:

    I tried reading the Headlie documentary parts aloud in his voice but was unsure of what that would sound like. Even more unsure if he even talks. We know he doesn’t react to anything especially when Randy Orton was whipping his boy last year.

  4. Thomas Moffatt says:

    I was half expecting it to be revealed that it was Nipple H who trained The MIz in the art of being completely and utterly annoying…

  5. Down With OPC says:

    Donnie…Don…Don Mizanin.

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