Headlies: Shawn Michaels Pardoned For Barber Shop Window Incident

4 Submitted by on Mon, 25 January 2021, 08:00

Corpus Christi, TX – WWE legend Shawn Michaels received a full presidential pardon this week for the infamous Barber Shop Window incident in 1992. The event, which saw Michaels throw his Rockers partner Marty Janetty through a window, has been on Michaels’ record for decades.

In a last-minute flurry of activity before leaving office, President Donald Trump issued a slew of pardons and clemency to various people. Trump took special interest in his fellow WWE Hall Of Famer’s case. Aides say he watched the incident hundreds of times, outraged at what he referred to as a “miscarriage of justice.”

“Shawn Michaels is a sexy boy. He is not your boy toy,” stated the federal pardon. “Everyone knows that Jannetty tried to dive through the window to escape. What an act of cowardism. Shawn Michaels, or as I like to call him Mr. Wrestlemania, is hereby pardoned of such an unfair crime.”

Upon hearing the news, the sort-of-retired legend expressed relief.

“This has been hanging over my head for years,” said Michaels. “I feel like a new man. Now I just have to wait for WWE to schedule another show in Saudi Arabia and I’m good to go.”

Michaels’ former partner Marty Jannetty responded to the news by telling an unsettling and high improbably story on Facebook. The wrestling community has already agreed to ignore the story and eventually forget about it.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
4 Responses to "Headlies: Shawn Michaels Pardoned For Barber Shop Window Incident"
  1. Thomas Moffatt says:

    I’m waiting for WWE to parody the storming of the capitol building… give it 18 months and expect the character in the Donald Trump position to be the face… some form of authority figure needed – it comes down to Hulk Hogan and Boring Corbyn… the fans get to vote… Corbyn wins by a ridiculous amount like 1 billion to 3… fraudulent mail votes counted… the online vote hacked so all votes for Hogan go to Corbyn.. crooked members of the board of directors and people in legal (except for two or three heroic Hogan fans)… all Hogan’s appeals are thrown out… before Corbyn takes office he threats to move WWE to somewhere else, fill it with foreigners, sack the Americans, ban the US flag, fill the arenas with transgender people, throw in a few evil foreigners and liberals and when Corbyn tries to expunge all of Hogan’s records with WWE the Hulkster and his followers storm WWE Headquarters and have Vince McMahon throw out the result of the vote before having all evil liberals and foreigners expelled from the WWE… after 6 weeks Hogan gets bored and goes with the entire events never referenced ever again…

  2. Mr. Boing says:

    Nailz brewing with anger at being passed over for a Presidential Pardon
    has now been contacting New President Biden for a pardon.

  3. John C says:

    HBK was always a pain in the glass.

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