Headlies: Karate Fighters Tournament Will Determine Executive Director Of 205 Live

5 Submitted by on Mon, 01 July 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – After the surprise move to place Paul Heyman in charge of Monday Night Raw and Eric Bischoff in charge of Smackdown, Vince McMahon has announced a tournament of wrestling officials from the 90’s to decide who will run WWE’s cruiserweight show, 205 Live.

“It’s time to shake things up,” said McMahon. “WWE has gotten stale. I’m taking it to new places and by new, I mean the 90’s. 3D Doritos! Raw is war! Genetic jackhammer! Somebody once told me the world is gunna roll me!” shouted McMahon while cracking open a vintage can of YJ Stinger.

“Now that Raw has Paul Heyman and Smackdown has Eric Bischoff, I want to inject 205 Live with that same 90’s juice. Like a Gusher filled with ICOPRO. It’s time to bring back more officials from that era. Unfortunately, all these geezers are too old to actually fight each other,” said a disgusted 73-year-old McMahon. “So, we’ll have to settle it like I settle everything in the 90’s: with lots of lawyers and with Karate Fighters!”

Karate Fighters was a toy line produced by Milton Bradley where children would twist a plastic knob controlling their karate figure, causing it to flail about in hopes of hitting their opponent. The Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em-style toys were featured heavily on WWF television including a series of matches between on-air talent.

Tournament participants include WCW’s Jim Herd, Bill Watts, Bill Busch, ECW’s Tod Gordon, Jim Crockett Jr., Ian Rotten, The Blue Meanie, and heavy favorite, Bruce Prichard.

Noticeably absent from the tournament are two real-life rivals, Jim Cornette and Vince Russo.

While fans may have wanted to see Cornette finally take on Russo, Cornette said, “I’m loyal to MLW and I’ve got my plate full with the Jim Cornette Experience. Plus, I’d rather have my dick slammed by the toilet seat than go back to that nuthouse. If Russo wants to fight me, he knows where to find me and my favorite Karate Fighter, Thunderfoot.”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown. If you like horror movies, check out www.365daysofhorrormovies.blogspot.com
5 Responses to "Headlies: Karate Fighters Tournament Will Determine Executive Director Of 205 Live"
  1. John C says:

    Brother Brucey emerges through a bloody hard fought final matchup with Tod Gordon. Gordon loses when he gets distracted by passing off contract info to Cody and gets hit with the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart strike by the martial arts master, Prichard. As the victorious Bruce steps over his vanquished foe, the former brother of lovedom is hit from behind by a robed figure. The mystery person that screams, “It’s me Austin, it’s me. Oh this the what, cruiserweight show, never mind just give them random gimmicks and write their promos for them.”

  2. Tom Hastings says:

    my mind is twitching at the thought of Ian Rotten running 205 Live. Cruiserweights and light tubes has a certain je ne sais quoi, no?

  3. M says:

    Not lying, I would seriously watch this

  4. Thomas Moffatt says:

    A sudden shudder rocked WWE HQ, Vince McMahon rose to his feet almost as if lightning had whistled into a bottle, “Why don’t we have Roman Reigns as 205 Live Executive Director???”

    Nobody responded though there were a few shocked expressions and Kevin Dunn tried not to foul himself with excitement.

    “As you know, the McMahons ALL hate Roman and want him to fail,” Vince gave a wink which made him look like a carny who had been expelled for kiddie fiddling. “So, we will put him in charge just to make him fail but he doesn’t and we have to try and make him fail!”

    A few coughs rang out in the boardroom whilst Kevin Dunn waved his hands in glee, “Gee, Mr Vince, your a genius!”

    “I mean I don’t think we have enough Roman Reigns on RAW and Smackdown! and we all know the reason 205 sucks so bad is because there is no Roman for everyone to enjoy – we need less wrestling and MORE Roman,” Vince beat his hand down on the table. “Perhaps we can have a fresh new feud and have Shane challenge him for control of 205 Live…”

    Kevin Dunn slowly raised his hand, “Er, Mr Vince sir, can I go to the bathroom? I had an accident…”

  5. Thomas Moffatt says:

    “As you know, the McMahons ALL hate Roman and want him to fail,” Vince gave a wink which made him look like a carny who had been expelled for kiddie fiddling. “So, we will put him in charge just to make him fail but he doesn’t and we have to try and make him fail!”

    A few coughs rang out in the boardroom whilst Kevin Dunn waved his hands in glee, “Gee, Mr Vince, your a genius!”

    “I mean I don’t think we have enough Roman Reigns on RAW and Smackdown! and we all know the reason 205 sucks so bad is because there is no Roman for everyone to enjoy – we need less wrestling and MORE Roman,” Vince beat his hand down on the table. “Perhaps we can have a fresh new feud and have Shane challenge him for control of 205 Live…”

    Kevin Dunn slowly raised his hand, “Er, Mr Vince sir, can I go to the bathroom? I had an accident…”

leave a comment