Orlando, FL – During a walkthrough of Camping World Stadium, the site of Wrestlemania 33, WWE CEO Vince McMahon revealed an enormous structure being created for his son Shane to jump from during his match.
“Pyro is going to go off here and here, the confetti when Roman wins will be shot from cannons posted at the four corners of the stadium, and Undertaker will begin his 45-minute entrance from beneath the ramp,” said McMahon to a group of WWE employees. “Any questions?”
“Dad, I have a question. What’s this giant thing being erected next to the ring?” asked Shane.
“’Erected.” Heh heh. I’ll have to remember that one,” chuckled McMahon.
“Good one, Vince! Tee hee!” giggled television producer Kevin Dunn.
“Seriously, Dad. This thing has to be like 2 miles up,” said Shane.
“Shane, m’boy, that is what you’re going to be jumping off of during your match with AJ Styles!”
“What?!” exclaimed Shane. “That’s insane! There’s absolutely no way I’m going to do that. It can’t be safe. They’re still building it. Wait…are they welding pieces of furniture to it?”
“We ran a little over budget, so we’re making due. It’ll hold. Besides, I want them to see this thing from outer space!” dismissed McMahon.
“Is the base made out of Legos?!” screamed Shane.
“It’s a corporate tie-in. It’s all about synergy and marketing and shifting the paradigm and other phrases I don’t quite understand,” explained McMahon.
“People are going to think Finn Balor will be involved. Totally not going to happen. Nice swerve, boss!” said Dunn.
“Shane, you’re the product of my seed. The fruit of my loins. The McNugget to my chicken finger. I know you’ll do the right thing and recklessly throw your body towards the cold, hard ground for the mild entertainment of thousands of people.”
“No,” said Shane bluntly.
“Fine. To prove to you it’s safe, we’ll have someone go up there right now. Kevin, get climbing,” instructed McMahon.
“B-B-But I’m scared of heights, Vince!” stammered Dunn.
“Do it and I’ll hug you in public,” declared McMahon
Before he finished his words, Dunn scrambled up the incredibly tall structure.
Dunn climbed about three feet in the air before urinating himself and falling to the ground. He is listed as “questionable” for Wrestlemania.
PWTorch.com is currently reporting that Finn Balor will definitely be appearing during the Shane McMahon/AJ Styles match.