Washington, D.C. – The WWE Universe is bracing themselves for many painful lines and skits referencing the presidential election on this week’s Monday Night Raw.
Apprehension grew over the weekend as rumors spread of WWE procuring hundreds of miniature American flags. Pictures of red, white, and blue fireworks at the Amway Center have been shared on Twitter. An article by David Bixenspan detailing WWE’s failed bid to copyright the word “Inauguration” confirmed fans’ fears.
Clips of the famed Scott Steiner – Christopher Nowitzki debate and several “matches” between political figures began recirculating online, stoking fears of similar skits.
“We’ve already been through so much. Do we really need to sit through Corey Graves standing in front of a map? Who wants Byron Saxton explaining that fans in Wisconsin prefer Shayna Baszler over Lana?” asked an exasperated teacher Glenna Bowerman.
“Fifty bucks says they find missing ballots in Daniel Bryan’s beard,” sighed baker Deandra Parks.
“Michael Cole is going to say that AJ Styles’ Survivor Series team is a ‘divided nation’. I just know it,” said a frustrated joint-fitter Alvin Cora. “My eyes might actually roll out of my head at that point.”
“Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up,” said Political Science Professor Ravi Dhar.
Fans are hoping that any election discussion is relegated to the third hour of Raw giving them even more reason to not watch it.