Chicago, IL – In preparation for his match with Brock Lesnar, WWE wrestler CM Punk will be undergoing an experimental procedure to bond the unbreakable metal alloy Adamantium with his entire skeletal structure.
Sporting extra large sideburns, CM Punk said, “Lesnar was a UFC champion, he broke Triple H’s arm, and he even endured the pain of being on a Survivor Series team with Matt Morgan and Nathan Jones. I have to be prepared. I’ve consulted some of the best doctors in the world and we feel that this is the best way to go.”
Indeed, Punk has surrounded himself with some of the finest doctors and scientists in the world to ensure that his skeleton is unbreakable. Heading up the procedure is Dr. Reed Richards. “Well, it’s certainly a dangerous procedure, but Mr. Punk mentioned something about having an accelerated healing factor that will keep him from experiencing any discomfort or a horrible, painful death. That’s good enough for me,” said Richards. Dr. Richards will be aided by doctors Otto Octavius, Henry McCoy, Curt Connors, and Moira MacTaggert.
“Listen, Bub. I’m not afraid of Sabretooth….I mean, Brock Lesnar. As long as there is no interference from Magneto….uh, Paul Heyman, I’ll be able to handle myself,” said Punk. “I’m the best in the world and I’m the best there is at what I do. But what I do best isn’t very nice. Snikt!”
Rumor has it that following his match with Lesnar, Punk will create a new stable with some repackaged Superstars. It will consist of Antonio Cesaro, soon to be renamed “Professor X”, Alicia Fox as “Storm”, and Shawn Michaels will be given the name “Cyclops”.