Hollywood, CA – A Valentine’s Day event featuring WWE Superstar Goldust descended in to chaos due to a misprinting of the invitations.
What was supposed to be a family-friendly event filled with art projects and candy turned in to a hook-up party full of swingers and perverts. Unfortunately, an error in prouction that shortened “Valentine’s Day” to “VD” let to a different crowd than expected.
“Goldust doesn’t discriminate, but Goldust did think it was really weird that it was mostly only creepy, middle-aged men there,” said Goldust. “My forbidden fruits are free to taste, but only with consent and protection. I told them to keep the chubby little fingers to themselves or feel the wrath of me shattering their dreams.”
“Hehhh, it was a great time, heheheh,” said an attendee who referenced to himself as “Slippery Frank”. “So nice to finally be honored for all of my many, many venereal diseases. Everyone there was so…friendly hehhhh.”
“This is the worst outbreak of sexually transmitted diseases in one place I’ve ever seen,” said Dr. Lynn Beaumont. “Eleven cases of Ahmed Johnsons, eight cases of Ian Rotten Crotch, and a particularly nasty strain of Herpes Whippleman. We actually had to call another office to get more penicillin.”
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry, but someone better apologize for this,” said Goldust. “Or at least put me in the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royale at Wrestlemania.”