Headlies: AEW Moves To The Villages After Signing Sting

2 Submitted by on Mon, 07 December 2020, 08:00

The Villages, FL – All Elite Wrestling stunned the world for a second time this week after announcing that they would be moving their base of operations to The Villages.

Known as ‘Florida’s Friendliest Active Adult Retirement Community’, The Villages is a sprawling age-restricted city. Community rules dictate that no one under 55 can live in The Villages, but AEW claims to have found a loophole with the signing of Sting.

Sting, 61, now joins fellow older wrestlers Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard, Jake Roberts, and Luchasaurus. It was revealed tis week that signing Sting was a multi-faceted strategic signing.

“We had some of our office people crunch the numbers and after signing Sting, AEW’s cumulative age fits in with The Villages rules,” said AEW CEO Tony Khan. “AEW wins every demo except for 50+. Our move to The Villages will help put us over the top!”

Many AEW wrestlers have taken to living in the retirement community.

“Going to bed at after Wheel Of Fortune is a little weird, but you can’t beat all these free pudding cups!” said The Butcher.

“Cowabunga!” screamed Darby Allin before driving a golf cart into a pond.

“Everyone things I’m their grandson,” said Marko Stunt. “I’ve never received so many cheek pinches in my life.”

AEW officials are hoping to host future episodes of Dynamite in one of the community centers.

“As long as we’re done before the square-dancing class starts, we should be fine,” said Khan.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
2 Responses to "Headlies: AEW Moves To The Villages After Signing Sting"
  1. Mr. Boing says:

    In related news.. IMPACT! Wrestling moves to the Bermuda Triangle since very few know the promotion still exists and most of what is left as talent remains marooned and unable to get signed anywhere else

  2. Gabe Benson says:

    It’s STTTTIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGG!

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