In this age of Photoshop, no doubt you look at the picture above and think, "RD, what kind of lame ass induction is this? Dude, at least write about stuff that REALLY happened! You suck!"

I thought the same thing when fellow Crapper Rob Hirschbuhl emailed me, asking if I had ever seen this bout. Well, except for the part about where I suck. Portly, bald middle aged pop singer versus insane musclebound madman? How could I, of all people, have never heard of it?

So I hopped over to YouTube and typed in "Phil Collins Ultimate Warrior". Nothing. And as everyone knows, if it's not on YouTube, then it doesn't exist (or WWE legal has sent them a cease & desist).

I figured it had to be a hoax.

And then, like a tornado hitting after a sunny, relaxing day, there it was in my inbox: Warrior-Collins.wmv. Along with it, came the following message:

"Insert your own jokes about my sexuality here, but I purchased a Phil Collins DVD. One of the bonus features on the DVD was an actual NBC special from (I believe 1991). It's an hour-long special containing cameo appearances by a virtual who's-who of early 90's stars... Weird Al, John Candy, Bruce Willis, and John Travolta just to name a few. The special is ridiculousy bad. See, the concept of the Phil Collins special, "Seriously,"
is a bunch of network executives (Gilbert Gotfried, Vanessa Williams, and I think Vincent Pastore) are trying to come up with a concept for Phil Collins special... Seriously. They think of a number of failed ideas including making the special a children's-themed country show. The tried remaiking "Singin' in the Rain" with a big band... No Dice. They even tried performing on a currently-sinking Titanic, less concerned with their impending deaths than finishing up "Just Another Day in Paradise." My particular favorite (aside from Hellwig's) is Phil donning a fat sweatsuit and rapping "Don't Lose My Number" with fellow fat boys Ed Lover and Dr. Dre. Then the execs have a breakthrough, which is where the attached video picks up."

Two clicks in rapid succession later, and I would see...

	Gilbert Gottfried, sure enough, discussing how they should promote Phil Collins' new album, But Seriously. If you're not familiar with that record, then you must have not been alive in 1989. See, Phil Collins was all the rage back then. He had a smash album called No Jacket Required a few years earlier, which contained stuff like One More Night, Don't Lose My Number, Inside Out, Take Me Home and Sussudio. Now sure, that last song absolutely sucked in a way no song before or since ever has (well, with the exception of Pour Some Sugar On Me), but they were all extremely popular. So there was little doubt that the official first follow up would be highly anticipated as well. So anticipated, I suppose, that GILBERT GOTTFRIED would be interested.
After discussing such ideas as Phil at Seaworld (featuring a cameo by Drew Barrymore, who, during that period in her life was probably working at Seaworld selling Shamu ice cream bars and getting stoned on her lunch breaks), Gil hits upon gold: PRO WRESTLING. You know what's sad? When he said those two words, all I could think was, "Man, if they were doing this today, Vince would make him say 'sports entertainment'." And I got very sad. Anyhoo, the decision is made. The only way to properly promote a Phil Collins release is to have him wrestle...oh yes...THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR.
	And sure enough, here they are together, "dancing." I think I can say, without hyperbole, that this is unquestionably the single greatest two-frame animated GIF in the history of the internet.
So they do the two step for about 3 seconds (with them both LIP SYNCING - very badly, I should add) before Warrior just turns to Phil and is like, "What the hell is that dude wearing? Why am I dancing? I am the Ulllllllltimate Warrrrryyaaahhh! The Ullllllltimate Warrrrrrryyyyyyaaaaaahhhh doesn't dance, he destroys!"
	Faster than you can say "destrucity", Warrior throttles poor Phil, first choking him...
...and then whipping him from pillar to post. And when I say "him", I do mean Phil Collins, the singer. Well, in close-ups at least. Basically, Warrior and Phil are shown in tight shots, and then, when anything involving action takes place, the shot switches to a camera that looks to be placed 3 miles away. You can't blame Phil for that - after all, would you want to be in the ring with the Warrior?
	Eventually, poor Mr. Collins is backed up against the ropes and sees the following site:
AAAAARRRGGGHH!
	Our hero is knocked clean out of the ring...
...as the Warrior celebrates one of his greatest victories. A victory that sadly, no one remembers.

Until today, that is.

Can you say VIDEO INDUCTION?

I knew you could.