Category Archive for "Headlies" | WrestleCrap – The Very Worst of Pro Wrestling!

Headlies: Inner Circle To Face The Band Inner Circle This Week

4 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 14 October 2019, 08:00

Philadelphia, PA – All Elite Wrestling’s newest faction The Inner Circle already have their first challengers in the form of the reggae band Inner Circle. Last week, AEW World Champion Chris Jericho brought Sammy Guevara, Santana, Ortiz, and Jake Hager to form a new stable. Dubbing them the “Inner Circle” Jericho vowed to take out all other wrestlers and rule Continue Reading...

Headlies: Wednesday Night Wars Leaves Dozens Dead, Hundreds Injured

1 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 07 October 2019, 08:00

Boston, MA – As the smoke clears from this past Wednesday night battle between All Elite Wrestling and NXT, fans have been left to pick up the pieces. The explosive night of high-energy wrestling left many fans dead and even more injured. Area emergency rooms and walk-in clinics were flooded with people sustaining injuries from the Wednesday Night Wars. “I Continue Reading...

Headlies: Fans Already Proclaiming AEW Dynamite Either The Best Or Worst Wrestling Show Of All Time

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 30 September 2019, 08:00

Washington, DC – Despite not having aired yet, wrestling fans have already claimed the All Elite Wrestling’s new weekly show “Dynamite” is the best and worst wrestling show of all time. The show, which premiers on October 2nd, has simultaneously drawn undying praise and visceral hatred among the wrestling community. The “war” between AEW and WWE has spilled across the Continue Reading...

Headlies: King Baron Corbin Disbands British Parliament

5 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 23 September 2019, 08:00

London, England – In his first act as WWE’s new King Of The Ring, King Baron Corbin has disbanded British Parliament. “King Corbin is a lone wolf,” said Corbin adjusting his crown. “I don’t need no stinking Parliament or Lords Spiritual or Chancellors of the Exchequers. MPs? More like P-Us, am I right? My people must know that they can Continue Reading...

Headlies: AJ Styles Falls Off The Edge Of The Earth During Championship Match

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 16 September 2019, 08:00

Charlotte, NC – All known scientific facts were called into question last night after United States champion AJ Styles fell off the edge of the Earth and plunged into the universal void. The improbable event occurred during Styles’s match with Cedric Alexander at Clash Of Champions. The back-and-forth match displayed amazing athleticism between both performers. The see-saw battle brought fans Continue Reading...

Headlies: AEW Officials Pin The AEW Championship Belt To Chris Jericho

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 09 September 2019, 08:00

Chicago, IL – Following the disappearance and subsequent return of All Elite Wrestling’s championship, AEW officials have agreed to physically attach the belt to current champion Chris Jericho. Jericho, who claimed the belt was stolen while he was celebrating his win at Longhorn Steakhouse, will now have several pins, fasteners, and thumbtacks inserted into his body and the belt. “Of Continue Reading...

Headlies: Cracker Barrel Clash Ends In A Country Fried No-Contest

3 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 02 September 2019, 08:00

Chicago, IL – The “Cracker Barrel Clash” Triple Threat match held at this past weekend at All Elite Wrestling’s “All Out” ended in a triple disqualification after all the participants were deep-fried and covered in Sawmill Gravy. The match, dubbed the “Cracker Barrel Clash” saw Joey Janela take on Darby Allin and Jimmy Havoc. The back-and-forth battle saw all three Continue Reading...

Headlies: AEW Signs 14-Year-Old After Feuding With Jim Cornette

22 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 26 August 2019, 08:00

Tampa Bay, FL – All Elite Wrestling have announced that they have signed 14-year-old Jaxxon Pfefer to a multi-year contract after seeing him fight with Jim Cornette on Twitter. The feud began yesterday morning after Pfefer tweeted a video of several AEW wrestlers playfully giving and no-selling each other’s finishing moves and tagged Cornette. Naturally, Cornette derided the participants and Continue Reading...

Headlies: RD Reynolds – Bryan Alvarez Friendship Ends Over Repo Man Disagreement

5 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 19 August 2019, 08:00

Bothel, WA – A fifteen-year friendship between Figure Four’s Bryan Alvarez and Wrestlecrap’s RD Reynolds has come to an end following a disagreement over former wrestler Repo Man. The acrimonious split came after Alvarez went on extended rant on his podcast saying, “Nobody’s worse than the Repo Man, you got it?! What redeeming quality does the Repo Man have? None! Continue Reading...

Headlies: Randy Orton’s Race Car Takes Out Kofi Kingston

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 12 August 2019, 08:00

Toronto, ON – In a shocking turn of events, a race car once belonging to Randy Orton interfered in his championship match against Kofi Kingston last night at Summerslam. On a 2009 episode of Monday Night Raw, Randy Orton received a brand-new race car as a gift from his partners in Legacy, Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr. The car’s Continue Reading...

Headlies: Sasha Banks Featured On WWE 2K20 Cover

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 05 August 2019, 08:00

Novato, CA – After weeks of speculation, WWE officials revealed that former Raw Women’s Champion Sasha Banks would be appearing on WWE 2K20’s cover. WWE CEO Vince McMahon made the announcement at a press conference this morning. “After careful consideration, we’ve decided to put WWE Superstar and NXT legend Sasha Banks on the cover of our newest video game,” said Continue Reading...

Headlies: Braun Strowman Went Into A Restaurant And Ate Everything In The Restaurant And They Had To Close The Restaurant

12 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 29 July 2019, 08:00

Little Rock, AR – WWE Superstar Braun Strowman’s quick meal at the BBQ Barn after Monday Night Raw, unintentionally lead to the restaurant closing forever. “Whenever WWE is in town, we like to keep the place open late since the boys like to stop in after the matches,” said BBQ Barn owner “Big” Bob Sprucky. “A little after 11 o’clock, Continue Reading...

Headlies: R-Truth And Drake Maverick Get Their Own Marvel Movie

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 22 July 2019, 08:00

San Diego, CA – Wrestling fans were thrilled to find out that the epic battles between WWE Superstars R-Truth and Drake Maverick would be coming to the big screen as part of the Marvel Universe. Maverick and Truth appeared throughout San Diego Comic Con battling over they esteemed 24/7 Championship. While most thought it was just a fun way to Continue Reading...

Headlies: List Of Potential WWE Wrestler Names Leaks

8 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 15 July 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – Sportskeeda.com has produced a list of potential names for current and future WWE and NXT wrestlers and personalities. “For one reason or another, a lot of WWE talent have had their names changed,” said writer Kumal Barthwal. “Sometimes it’s a shortening to just a first or last name like Rusev or Andrade. Other times it’s a completely Continue Reading...

Headlies: WWE Universe Fired, Replaced By Heyman And Bischoff’s Friends

4 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 08 July 2019, 08:00

Newark, NJ – In a surprise move, WWE officials have future endeavored their entire fanbase, replacing them with the friends of newly hired executive directors Paul Heyman and Eric Bischoff. The move to replace fans is seen by many as a way to prevent fans from voicing their displeasure. “Look, last week was great for Raw and Smackdown, but we Continue Reading...

Headlies: Karate Fighters Tournament Will Determine Executive Director Of 205 Live

5 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 01 July 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – After the surprise move to place Paul Heyman in charge of Monday Night Raw and Eric Bischoff in charge of Smackdown, Vince McMahon has announced a tournament of wrestling officials from the 90’s to decide who will run WWE’s cruiserweight show, 205 Live. “It’s time to shake things up,” said McMahon. “WWE has gotten stale. I’m taking Continue Reading...

Headlies: Velveteen Dream Emerges From Giant Boot At WWE Stomping Grounds

1 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 24 June 2019, 08:00

Tacoma, WA – Wrestling fans were shocked last night when NXT North American Champion Velveteen Dream made his WWE debut at Stomping Grounds. What was quickly becoming just another typical WWE pay-per-view became a night to remember as a the beloved NXT wrestler appeared on the main roster. WWE’s ring crew wheeled a giant boot on to the main stage. Continue Reading...

Headlies: Bryan Alvarez Ruins Stunt Family Picnic

4 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 17 June 2019, 08:00

Olive Branch, MS – Figure Four Online/Wrestling Observer writer and podcaster Bryan Alvarez traveled to the hometown of rival Marko Stunt and ruined the Stunt Family Father’s Day picnic. The Stunt Family, consisting of Papa Stunt, Mama Stunt, and wrestlers Marko and Logan, arrived at the Olive Branch City Park Sunday afternoon. Mama Stunt laid out a blanket as Papa Continue Reading...

Headlies: WWE To Recreate Wrestlemania I Main Event For Next Saudi Arabia Show

15 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 10 June 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – Hot on the heels of their latest special event in Saudi Arabia, WWE has announced that they will be recreating the classic Wrestlemania I main event match that featured Hulk Hogan and Mr. T taking on “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff. “We are very excited to be going back to Saudi Arabia so soon,” Continue Reading...

Headlies: Superstar Billy Graham To Join Announcing Team At ‘All Out’

3 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 03 June 2019, 08:00

Chicago, IL – All Elite Wrestling head Cody Rhodes has announced that former WWWF Heavyweight champion ‘Superstar’ Billy Graham will be doing color commentary at the group’s newly-announced ‘All Out’ event. The move is seen as the latest shot at WWE as AEW continues to pick up their former talent. Rhodes denies this allegation. “We’re creating something new with AEW,” Continue Reading...

Headlies: Stubby Banned From Las Vegas Following Starrcast Incident

1 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 27 May 2019, 08:00

Las Vegas, NV – In a first for the state of Nevada, beloved Wrestlecrap dummy Stubby has been banned for life from the entire city of Las Vegas. Stubby arrived in Las Vegas late Friday night, already drunk. After stumbling off the plane and taking a taxi to Caesar’s Palace, the Wrestlecrap mascot managed to lose $500 at blackjack. Security Continue Reading...

Headlies: Lacey Evans Gets Stuck In A Revolving Door

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 20 May 2019, 08:00

Hartford, CT – WWE Superstar Lacey Evans missed her championship match at Money In The Bank last night after she became stuck in one of the XL Center’s revolving doors. Evans, who was set to challenge Becky Lynch for the Raw Women’s Title, arrived at the arena along with the other wrestlers, but was not seen in the locker room Continue Reading...

Headlies: Vince McMahon Continues To Prank The Revival

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 13 May 2019, 08:00

London, UK – Following last week’s angle that featured The Revival suffering the effects of having “Ucy Hot” placed in their trunks, Vince McMahon has personally started pulling pranks on the tag team. During the company’s overseas flight, McMahon continuously tapped both Scott Dawson and Dash Wilder on the shoulders and pretended to be doing something else when they looked. Continue Reading...

Headlies: Money In The Bank Briefcases Repossessed After Audit From IRS

0 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 06 May 2019, 08:00

Cincinnati, OH – The Money In The Bank pay-per-view is in danger of being cancelled after the contract-holding briefcases were taken by IRS and Repo Man. Irwin R. Schyster, the diabolical tax man, performed an audit of WWE’s finances following the April 15th deadline and did not like what he saw. “Sloppy paperwork, using an ink color other than blue Continue Reading...

Headlies: Eli Cottonwood Goes Mustache-To-Mustache With Robert Roode

1 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 29 April 2019, 08:00

Former NXT competitor Eli Cottonwood has returned to the WWE to challenge Robert Roode for mustache supremacy. Cottonwood, who competed on the second season of NXT, was mainly known for his height and his mustache. While not as thick and luscious as other mustaches in wrestling like Ox Baker’s or Big Bully Busick’s, Cottonwood’s was good enough to earn itself Continue Reading...

Headlies: ‘The Viking Experience’ Renamed As ‘Submission Sorority’

7 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 22 April 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – After a large outcry from fans following their debut on Monday Night Raw, The Viking Experience will now be known as Submission Sorority. Social media exploded with rage as the tag team, who were known as War Raiders in NXT and War Machine in ROH, appeared on WWE television for the first time. The Superstars formerly known Continue Reading...

Headlies: Daniel Bryan Recycles His WWE Championship

4 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 15 April 2019, 08:00

Aberdeen, WA – Following his title loss at Wrestlemania, former WWE champion Daniel Bryan has decided to recycle his championship belt. Made from 100% eco-friendly organic hemp, naturally fallen oak, and naturally-sourced stones, Bryan’s championship was a symbol of his environmentalism and rage against the greedy Baby Boomers and corporate machine. “The loss is devastating, but I can’t let my Continue Reading...

Headlies: Fans Miss Wrestlemania After Train Gets Stuck On The Tracks

1 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 08 April 2019, 08:00

East Rutherford, NJ – Tragedy occurred for hundreds of wrestling fans as the subways they were traveling on to attend Wrestlemania became stuck on the tracks for several hours, causing them to miss the event. “We, underestimated the sheer number of people that would be traveling via subway to MetLife Stadium, and unfortunately, the tracks could not handle the extra Continue Reading...

Headlies: Linda McMahon Leaves Trump Administration, Signs With All Elite Wrestling

4 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 01 April 2019, 08:38

Orlando, FL – In a move that shocked both the political and the wrestling world, Linda McMahon has resigned from her position in President Trump’s Administration and has joined the upstart All Elite Wrestling company. McMahon, who had been serving as the Small Business Administrator, announced Friday that she would be leaving Trump’s Cabinet. She was seen as a steady Continue Reading...

Headlies: Hundreds Of Dead Wrestling Angles Found In The Basement Of Titan Towers

6 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 25 March 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – Local and state police officers were called to Titan Towers, the headquarters of WWE, after a gruesome discovery was made in the company’s basement. Earlier this week, WWE announced that they were moving to a new office complex in 2021 after decades at Titan Towers. The grisly discovery was made during a routine walkthrough from building inspectors, Continue Reading...