Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: WWE Now Selling Roman Reigns/Can Of Dog Food Battle Pack

3 Submitted by on Mon, 09 December 2019, 08:00
Stamford, CT – Following the dastardly attack by King Corbin and Dolph Ziggler on Roman Reigns, WWE has decided to capitalize on the incident with brand new action figures. After defeating Ziggler on Friday Night Smackdown, Roman Reigns was beaten down and chained to a ring post. In an act that enraged the WWE Universe and PETA, Ziggler and Corbin Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Orange Cassidy Celebrates Thanksgiving With His Family Or Something

3 Submitted by on Mon, 02 December 2019, 08:00
Citrus County, FL – All Elite Wrestling star Orange Cassidy traveled back home to celebrate Thanksgiving with his family or something like that. Arriving at his humble childhood home, Cassidy was greeted with a casual fist-bump by his father, Pear Cassidy. His younger brother Grape and sister Strawberry lovingly gave Orange a head-nod as the family dog Honeydew wagged his Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Heath Slater Declared The Sole Survivor

2 Submitted by on Mon, 25 November 2019, 08:00
Chicago, IL – After the dust settled between the Raw, Smackdown, and NXT rosters, Heath Slater was determined to be the ‘Sole Survivor’ at this year’s Survivor Series. Wearing a Saturday Morning Slam shirt, Slater watched the night’s events unfold from the back. Although he did not have a match scheduled, the One-Man Rock Band, wanted to represent his brand. Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: The ASPCA Reminds You To Let The Fiend In

6 Submitted by on Mon, 18 November 2019, 08:00
Chicago, IL – The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals is teaming up with the WWE to remind you to “Let Him In” this holiday season. The ASPCA and WWE announced their partnership at a press conference Monday morning. WWE Universal Champion Bray Wyatt was joined by members of both organizations to announce the initiative. “As we Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: ED-209 Crashes Robocop Signing At Starrcast

4 Submitted by on Mon, 11 November 2019, 08:00
Baltimore, MD – Legendary killer robot ED-209 made an unexpected appearance at Starrcast IV this weekend, interrupting Robocop’s signing. Stomping past the line of eager fans, ED-209 gave Robocop a large hug and firm handshake. Onlookers filmed video of the two exchanging tense pleasantries which quickly turned aggressive.  The enforcement droid rose to fame in the late 80’s and early Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies – Vince McMahon Entertains Wrestlers During Delayed Flight From Saudi Arabia

4 Submitted by on Mon, 04 November 2019, 08:00
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – During an extensive delay of their flight leaving Saudi Arabia, WWE CEO Vince McMahon did his best trying to keep his wrestlers happy. Trying to make the best out of a bad situation, McMahon did his famous strut up and down the aisle of the plane. The weary wrestlers politely chuckled at the 74-year-old’s iconic herky-jerky Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Seth Rollins Burns Down A Spirit Halloween Store

8 Submitted by on Mon, 28 October 2019, 08:00
Davenport, IA – On Saturday, WWE Universal Champion Seth Rollins set fire to a display in the Spirit Halloween store on 53rd and Elmore. Witnesses described the scene as chaotic. “I’m here with my two kids to get costumes for their school Halloween parade and this maniac lights a bunch of matches and screams ‘Burn it down!’” said Earl Fosse. Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Inner Circle To Face The Band Inner Circle This Week

8 Submitted by on Mon, 14 October 2019, 08:00
Philadelphia, PA – All Elite Wrestling’s newest faction The Inner Circle already have their first challengers in the form of the reggae band Inner Circle. Last week, AEW World Champion Chris Jericho brought Sammy Guevara, Santana, Ortiz, and Jake Hager to form a new stable. Dubbing them the “Inner Circle” Jericho vowed to take out all other wrestlers and rule Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Wednesday Night Wars Leaves Dozens Dead, Hundreds Injured

1 Submitted by on Mon, 07 October 2019, 08:00
Boston, MA – As the smoke clears from this past Wednesday night battle between All Elite Wrestling and NXT, fans have been left to pick up the pieces. The explosive night of high-energy wrestling left many fans dead and even more injured. Area emergency rooms and walk-in clinics were flooded with people sustaining injuries from the Wednesday Night Wars. “I Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Fans Already Proclaiming AEW Dynamite Either The Best Or Worst Wrestling Show Of All Time

2 Submitted by on Mon, 30 September 2019, 08:00
Washington, DC – Despite not having aired yet, wrestling fans have already claimed the All Elite Wrestling’s new weekly show “Dynamite” is the best and worst wrestling show of all time. The show, which premiers on October 2nd, has simultaneously drawn undying praise and visceral hatred among the wrestling community. The “war” between AEW and WWE has spilled across the Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: King Baron Corbin Disbands British Parliament

5 Submitted by on Mon, 23 September 2019, 08:00
London, England – In his first act as WWE’s new King Of The Ring, King Baron Corbin has disbanded British Parliament. “King Corbin is a lone wolf,” said Corbin adjusting his crown. “I don’t need no stinking Parliament or Lords Spiritual or Chancellors of the Exchequers. MPs? More like P-Us, am I right? My people must know that they can Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: AJ Styles Falls Off The Edge Of The Earth During Championship Match

2 Submitted by on Mon, 16 September 2019, 08:00
Charlotte, NC – All known scientific facts were called into question last night after United States champion AJ Styles fell off the edge of the Earth and plunged into the universal void. The improbable event occurred during Styles’s match with Cedric Alexander at Clash Of Champions. The back-and-forth match displayed amazing athleticism between both performers. The see-saw battle brought fans Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: AEW Officials Pin The AEW Championship Belt To Chris Jericho

2 Submitted by on Mon, 09 September 2019, 08:00
Chicago, IL – Following the disappearance and subsequent return of All Elite Wrestling’s championship, AEW officials have agreed to physically attach the belt to current champion Chris Jericho. Jericho, who claimed the belt was stolen while he was celebrating his win at Longhorn Steakhouse, will now have several pins, fasteners, and thumbtacks inserted into his body and the belt. “Of Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Cracker Barrel Clash Ends In A Country Fried No-Contest

4 Submitted by on Mon, 02 September 2019, 08:00
Chicago, IL – The “Cracker Barrel Clash” Triple Threat match held at this past weekend at All Elite Wrestling’s “All Out” ended in a triple disqualification after all the participants were deep-fried and covered in Sawmill Gravy. The match, dubbed the “Cracker Barrel Clash” saw Joey Janela take on Darby Allin and Jimmy Havoc. The back-and-forth battle saw all three Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: AEW Signs 14-Year-Old After Feuding With Jim Cornette

22 Submitted by on Mon, 26 August 2019, 08:00
Tampa Bay, FL – All Elite Wrestling have announced that they have signed 14-year-old Jaxxon Pfefer to a multi-year contract after seeing him fight with Jim Cornette on Twitter. The feud began yesterday morning after Pfefer tweeted a video of several AEW wrestlers playfully giving and no-selling each other’s finishing moves and tagged Cornette. Naturally, Cornette derided the participants and Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: RD Reynolds – Bryan Alvarez Friendship Ends Over Repo Man Disagreement

6 Submitted by on Mon, 19 August 2019, 08:00
Bothel, WA – A fifteen-year friendship between Figure Four’s Bryan Alvarez and Wrestlecrap’s RD Reynolds has come to an end following a disagreement over former wrestler Repo Man. The acrimonious split came after Alvarez went on extended rant on his podcast saying, “Nobody’s worse than the Repo Man, you got it?! What redeeming quality does the Repo Man have? None! Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Sasha Banks Featured On WWE 2K20 Cover

2 Submitted by on Mon, 05 August 2019, 08:00
Novato, CA – After weeks of speculation, WWE officials revealed that former Raw Women’s Champion Sasha Banks would be appearing on WWE 2K20’s cover. WWE CEO Vince McMahon made the announcement at a press conference this morning. “After careful consideration, we’ve decided to put WWE Superstar and NXT legend Sasha Banks on the cover of our newest video game,” said Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Braun Strowman Went Into A Restaurant And Ate Everything In The Restaurant And They Had To Close The Restaurant

12 Submitted by on Mon, 29 July 2019, 08:00
Little Rock, AR – WWE Superstar Braun Strowman’s quick meal at the BBQ Barn after Monday Night Raw, unintentionally lead to the restaurant closing forever. “Whenever WWE is in town, we like to keep the place open late since the boys like to stop in after the matches,” said BBQ Barn owner “Big” Bob Sprucky. “A little after 11 o’clock, Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: R-Truth And Drake Maverick Get Their Own Marvel Movie

2 Submitted by on Mon, 22 July 2019, 08:00
San Diego, CA – Wrestling fans were thrilled to find out that the epic battles between WWE Superstars R-Truth and Drake Maverick would be coming to the big screen as part of the Marvel Universe. Maverick and Truth appeared throughout San Diego Comic Con battling over they esteemed 24/7 Championship. While most thought it was just a fun way to Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: List Of Potential WWE Wrestler Names Leaks

8 Submitted by on Mon, 15 July 2019, 08:00
Stamford, CT – Sportskeeda.com has produced a list of potential names for current and future WWE and NXT wrestlers and personalities. “For one reason or another, a lot of WWE talent have had their names changed,” said writer Kumal Barthwal. “Sometimes it’s a shortening to just a first or last name like Rusev or Andrade. Other times it’s a completely Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: WWE Universe Fired, Replaced By Heyman And Bischoff’s Friends

4 Submitted by on Mon, 08 July 2019, 08:00
Newark, NJ – In a surprise move, WWE officials have future endeavored their entire fanbase, replacing them with the friends of newly hired executive directors Paul Heyman and Eric Bischoff. The move to replace fans is seen by many as a way to prevent fans from voicing their displeasure. “Look, last week was great for Raw and Smackdown, but we Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Karate Fighters Tournament Will Determine Executive Director Of 205 Live

5 Submitted by on Mon, 01 July 2019, 08:00
Stamford, CT – After the surprise move to place Paul Heyman in charge of Monday Night Raw and Eric Bischoff in charge of Smackdown, Vince McMahon has announced a tournament of wrestling officials from the 90’s to decide who will run WWE’s cruiserweight show, 205 Live. “It’s time to shake things up,” said McMahon. “WWE has gotten stale. I’m taking Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Velveteen Dream Emerges From Giant Boot At WWE Stomping Grounds

1 Submitted by on Mon, 24 June 2019, 08:00
Tacoma, WA – Wrestling fans were shocked last night when NXT North American Champion Velveteen Dream made his WWE debut at Stomping Grounds. What was quickly becoming just another typical WWE pay-per-view became a night to remember as a the beloved NXT wrestler appeared on the main roster. WWE’s ring crew wheeled a giant boot on to the main stage. Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Bryan Alvarez Ruins Stunt Family Picnic

4 Submitted by on Mon, 17 June 2019, 08:00
Olive Branch, MS – Figure Four Online/Wrestling Observer writer and podcaster Bryan Alvarez traveled to the hometown of rival Marko Stunt and ruined the Stunt Family Father’s Day picnic. The Stunt Family, consisting of Papa Stunt, Mama Stunt, and wrestlers Marko and Logan, arrived at the Olive Branch City Park Sunday afternoon. Mama Stunt laid out a blanket as Papa Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: WWE To Recreate Wrestlemania I Main Event For Next Saudi Arabia Show

15 Submitted by on Mon, 10 June 2019, 08:00
Stamford, CT – Hot on the heels of their latest special event in Saudi Arabia, WWE has announced that they will be recreating the classic Wrestlemania I main event match that featured Hulk Hogan and Mr. T taking on “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff. “We are very excited to be going back to Saudi Arabia so soon,” Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Superstar Billy Graham To Join Announcing Team At ‘All Out’

3 Submitted by on Mon, 03 June 2019, 08:00
Chicago, IL – All Elite Wrestling head Cody Rhodes has announced that former WWWF Heavyweight champion ‘Superstar’ Billy Graham will be doing color commentary at the group’s newly-announced ‘All Out’ event. The move is seen as the latest shot at WWE as AEW continues to pick up their former talent. Rhodes denies this allegation. “We’re creating something new with AEW,” Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Stubby Banned From Las Vegas Following Starrcast Incident

1 Submitted by on Mon, 27 May 2019, 08:00
Las Vegas, NV – In a first for the state of Nevada, beloved Wrestlecrap dummy Stubby has been banned for life from the entire city of Las Vegas. Stubby arrived in Las Vegas late Friday night, already drunk. After stumbling off the plane and taking a taxi to Caesar’s Palace, the Wrestlecrap mascot managed to lose $500 at blackjack. Security Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Lacey Evans Gets Stuck In A Revolving Door

2 Submitted by on Mon, 20 May 2019, 08:00
Hartford, CT – WWE Superstar Lacey Evans missed her championship match at Money In The Bank last night after she became stuck in one of the XL Center’s revolving doors. Evans, who was set to challenge Becky Lynch for the Raw Women’s Title, arrived at the arena along with the other wrestlers, but was not seen in the locker room Continue Reading...
Read more