Category Archives: Headlies

The latest pro graps newz you won’t get anywhere else. Because it probably isn’t true. Probably.

Headlies: Wrestlemania “Boneyard Match” To Take Place In An Abandoned BBQ Restaurant

3 Submitted by on Mon, 30 March 2020, 08:00
Winter Park, FL – Leaked footage of next week’s Boneyard Match between The Undertaker and AJ Styles shows that the two Superstars will be duking it out in an empty barbecue restaurant. The incomplete video, which first appeared on Youtube last night, features the competitors inside the recently shuttered Bubba’s Boneyard Bar-B-Que on Pine Road. Although the footage appears to Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Vince McMahon Revealed As The Exalted One

8 Submitted by on Mon, 23 March 2020, 08:00
Jacksonville, FL – In a stunning swerve, WWE CEO Vince McMahon was revealed to be The Dark Order’s leader, The Exalted One. Although newcomer Brodie Lee was shown to be The Exalted One on this past week’s Dynamite, viewers of AEW’s new Youtube show “Dark After Midnight” saw the true leader was none other than the head of WWE. The Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Wrestlemania Moved To The Impact Zone

9 Submitted by on Mon, 16 March 2020, 08:00
Orlando, FL – Due to the COVID-19 pandemic and restricted travel, WWE has been forced to change locations for Wrestlemania 36 to the Impact Zone. Originally, the “Showcase Of The Immortals” was take place at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida on April 5th. City officials were unwilling to continue hosting the event, so WWE had to look for an Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Fans Mourn The Loss Of “Dashing” Cody Rhodes

7 Submitted by on Mon, 09 March 2020, 08:00
Salt Lake City, UT – The pro-wrestling community is currently mourning the loss of former WWE gimmick “Dashing” Cody Rhodes. The gimmick, which focused on Rhodes’ handsome looks, was pronounced deceased minutes after Rhodes revealed a large tattoo on his neck. The tattoo, a red, white, and blue American Nightmare logo, received widespread scorn and mockery in and out of Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Concession Stand Employee Reveals He Is A Seth Rollins Disciple

3 Submitted by on Mon, 02 March 2020, 08:00
Brooklyn, NY – In a shocking turn of events, a concession stand employee at the Barclay’s Center ripped open his shirt to reveal that he is a disciple of “The Monday Night Messiah” Seth Rollins. Rodrigo “Hot Rod” Robles, a part-time Assistant Manager at Nathan’s Famous and diehard Rollins fan, spent his shift messing with the food of any Kevin Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: “Hit Matt Hardy With A Chair” Added To Wrestlemania Axxess

2 Submitted by on Mon, 24 February 2020, 08:00
Tampa Bay, FL – At this year’s Wrestlemania Axxess, fans will now have the chance to hit WWE Superstar Matt Hardy with a steel chair. Following the brutal chair-based attack on Hardy by Randy Orton, WWE officials are looking to capitalize on the positive response. “Did you hear that reaction?” said WWE CEO Vince McMahon after Orton’s attack on Hardy. Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Becky Lynch Tests Positive For Rabies

3 Submitted by on Mon, 17 February 2020, 08:00
Everett, WA – Raw Women’s Champion Becky Lynch has tested positive for rabies days after receiving a bite by WWE Superstar Shayna Baszler. WWE officials suspected Lynch was not well during this morning’s walkthrough at the Angel of the Winds Arena. The normally calm and attentive Lynch was visibly aggressive, growling at members of the ring crew. Her condition quickly Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Special Guest Gimp Added To MJF – Cody Rhodes Match

5 Submitted by on Mon, 10 February 2020, 08:00
Chicago, IL – Following his brutal ten lashings given to him by MJF, Cody Rhodes has announced that their match at AEW Revolution will include a special guest gimp. Still sporting welts on his back, Rhodes announced the stipulation in an interview with Jennifer Decker. “I gave my word that I would endure everything that MJF could dish out,” explained Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Jean-Pierre LaFitte Steals Chris Jericho’s Cruise Ship

5 Submitted by on Mon, 03 February 2020, 08:00
Miami, FL – Miami Police have reported that the Norwegian Pearl cruise ship that recently Chris Jericho’s Rock ‘N’ Wrestling Rager, was stolen by former WWF star Jean-Pierre LaFitte. The ship, which was used to tape the January 22nd episode of AEW Dynamite, was docked at PortMiami for an extensive hosing and scrubbing. Somewhere between Saturday night and Sunday morning, Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Fake Cody Rhodes and Fake Chris Jericho Appear At The Royal Rumble

3 Submitted by on Mon, 27 January 2020, 08:00
Houston, TX – In a surprisingly unsurprising move, WWE debuted and embarrassed “Cody Rhodes” and “Chris Jericho” at last night’s Royal Rumble. After Brock Lesnar entered the Rumble at number one, the two impersonators were led to the ring by Bruce Prichard. The Executive Producer of Smackdown, donning a black cowboy hat, introduced himself as “Texarkana”. “You want a war, Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Fan Regrets Wishing For More Wrestling On A Monkey’s Paw

5 Submitted by on Mon, 20 January 2020, 08:00
Duluth, MN – Diehard wrestling fan Henry Peterson now regrets wishing for more pro wrestling on a magical monkey’s paw. Peterson, who purchased the cursed object from a mysterious old man at a market in Marakesh, was unaware of its power. “At first, I didn’t really think much of it,” said Peterson, bathed in the warm glow of his television Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Excalibur Removes His Mask, Terrifying AEW Employees

6 Submitted by on Mon, 13 January 2020, 08:00
Miami, FL – All Elite Wrestling announcer Excalibur removed his mask at a company meeting this morning, terrifying and sickening his fellow employees. The former wrestler, who still wears his luchadore-style mask while calling AEW matches, addressed the group. “I’d given a lot of thought to what Brandi Rhodes said to me on last week’s show,” said Excalibur. “Ultimately, she’s Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Rusev – Lana – Lashley – Liv Angle To Now Include Literal Car Wrecks

4 Submitted by on Mon, 06 January 2020, 08:00
Oklahoma City, OK – After seeing the ratings success of the Lashley – Lana wedding on the last Monday Night Raw of 2019, Vince McMahon has demanded that actual car accidents be included in storyline. The decision came Monday morning during the creative team’s weekly meeting. “We need something big! Huge! Something that will force the WWE Universe to keep Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Otis Dozovic To Be Dropped At Midnight On New Year’s Eve

1 Submitted by on Mon, 30 December 2019, 08:00
New York, NY – Times Square New Year’s Eve organizers have announced that WWE Superstar Otis Dizovic will be replacing the traditional ball dropped at midnight. “We are incredibly excited to have Mr. Dozovic joining us,” said Times Square event organizer Belinda Accoune. “Fans were very excited when we revealed that Roman Reigns was going to have a wrestling match. Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Bray Wyatt To Celebrate Christmas With The Miz’s Family

3 Submitted by on Mon, 23 December 2019, 08:00
Thousand Oaks, CA – Following his triumphant win at TLC, Bray Wyatt will now be spending Christmas with The Miz’s family. Per the terms of their match at the most recent Pay-Per-View, WWE Universal Champion will now be celebrating the holidays with Miz’s wife Maryse and their children Madison and Monroe. Miz, who stated it was the most important match Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: NXT Launches New Podcast “2 Weeks With Triple H”

3 Submitted by on Mon, 16 December 2019, 08:00
Winter Park, FL – WWE has announced the creation of their latest podcast “2 Weeks With Triple H”. The podcast will focus on the two glorious weeks that NXT won the Wednesday Night War against AEW. Broadcasting from a broom closet at the WWE Performance Center, the podcast recounts the two-month struggle between rival wrestling companies. Triple H, who runs Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: WWE Now Selling Roman Reigns/Can Of Dog Food Battle Pack

3 Submitted by on Mon, 09 December 2019, 08:00
Stamford, CT – Following the dastardly attack by King Corbin and Dolph Ziggler on Roman Reigns, WWE has decided to capitalize on the incident with brand new action figures. After defeating Ziggler on Friday Night Smackdown, Roman Reigns was beaten down and chained to a ring post. In an act that enraged the WWE Universe and PETA, Ziggler and Corbin Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Orange Cassidy Celebrates Thanksgiving With His Family Or Something

3 Submitted by on Mon, 02 December 2019, 08:00
Citrus County, FL – All Elite Wrestling star Orange Cassidy traveled back home to celebrate Thanksgiving with his family or something like that. Arriving at his humble childhood home, Cassidy was greeted with a casual fist-bump by his father, Pear Cassidy. His younger brother Grape and sister Strawberry lovingly gave Orange a head-nod as the family dog Honeydew wagged his Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Heath Slater Declared The Sole Survivor

2 Submitted by on Mon, 25 November 2019, 08:00
Chicago, IL – After the dust settled between the Raw, Smackdown, and NXT rosters, Heath Slater was determined to be the ‘Sole Survivor’ at this year’s Survivor Series. Wearing a Saturday Morning Slam shirt, Slater watched the night’s events unfold from the back. Although he did not have a match scheduled, the One-Man Rock Band, wanted to represent his brand. Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: The ASPCA Reminds You To Let The Fiend In

6 Submitted by on Mon, 18 November 2019, 08:00
Chicago, IL – The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals is teaming up with the WWE to remind you to “Let Him In” this holiday season. The ASPCA and WWE announced their partnership at a press conference Monday morning. WWE Universal Champion Bray Wyatt was joined by members of both organizations to announce the initiative. “As we Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: ED-209 Crashes Robocop Signing At Starrcast

4 Submitted by on Mon, 11 November 2019, 08:00
Baltimore, MD – Legendary killer robot ED-209 made an unexpected appearance at Starrcast IV this weekend, interrupting Robocop’s signing. Stomping past the line of eager fans, ED-209 gave Robocop a large hug and firm handshake. Onlookers filmed video of the two exchanging tense pleasantries which quickly turned aggressive.  The enforcement droid rose to fame in the late 80’s and early Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies – Vince McMahon Entertains Wrestlers During Delayed Flight From Saudi Arabia

4 Submitted by on Mon, 04 November 2019, 08:00
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – During an extensive delay of their flight leaving Saudi Arabia, WWE CEO Vince McMahon did his best trying to keep his wrestlers happy. Trying to make the best out of a bad situation, McMahon did his famous strut up and down the aisle of the plane. The weary wrestlers politely chuckled at the 74-year-old’s iconic herky-jerky Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Seth Rollins Burns Down A Spirit Halloween Store

9 Submitted by on Mon, 28 October 2019, 08:00
Davenport, IA – On Saturday, WWE Universal Champion Seth Rollins set fire to a display in the Spirit Halloween store on 53rd and Elmore. Witnesses described the scene as chaotic. “I’m here with my two kids to get costumes for their school Halloween parade and this maniac lights a bunch of matches and screams ‘Burn it down!’” said Earl Fosse. Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Inner Circle To Face The Band Inner Circle This Week

8 Submitted by on Mon, 14 October 2019, 08:00
Philadelphia, PA – All Elite Wrestling’s newest faction The Inner Circle already have their first challengers in the form of the reggae band Inner Circle. Last week, AEW World Champion Chris Jericho brought Sammy Guevara, Santana, Ortiz, and Jake Hager to form a new stable. Dubbing them the “Inner Circle” Jericho vowed to take out all other wrestlers and rule Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Wednesday Night Wars Leaves Dozens Dead, Hundreds Injured

1 Submitted by on Mon, 07 October 2019, 08:00
Boston, MA – As the smoke clears from this past Wednesday night battle between All Elite Wrestling and NXT, fans have been left to pick up the pieces. The explosive night of high-energy wrestling left many fans dead and even more injured. Area emergency rooms and walk-in clinics were flooded with people sustaining injuries from the Wednesday Night Wars. “I Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Fans Already Proclaiming AEW Dynamite Either The Best Or Worst Wrestling Show Of All Time

2 Submitted by on Mon, 30 September 2019, 08:00
Washington, DC – Despite not having aired yet, wrestling fans have already claimed the All Elite Wrestling’s new weekly show “Dynamite” is the best and worst wrestling show of all time. The show, which premiers on October 2nd, has simultaneously drawn undying praise and visceral hatred among the wrestling community. The “war” between AEW and WWE has spilled across the Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: King Baron Corbin Disbands British Parliament

5 Submitted by on Mon, 23 September 2019, 08:00
London, England – In his first act as WWE’s new King Of The Ring, King Baron Corbin has disbanded British Parliament. “King Corbin is a lone wolf,” said Corbin adjusting his crown. “I don’t need no stinking Parliament or Lords Spiritual or Chancellors of the Exchequers. MPs? More like P-Us, am I right? My people must know that they can Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: AJ Styles Falls Off The Edge Of The Earth During Championship Match

2 Submitted by on Mon, 16 September 2019, 08:00
Charlotte, NC – All known scientific facts were called into question last night after United States champion AJ Styles fell off the edge of the Earth and plunged into the universal void. The improbable event occurred during Styles’s match with Cedric Alexander at Clash Of Champions. The back-and-forth match displayed amazing athleticism between both performers. The see-saw battle brought fans Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: AEW Officials Pin The AEW Championship Belt To Chris Jericho

2 Submitted by on Mon, 09 September 2019, 08:00
Chicago, IL – Following the disappearance and subsequent return of All Elite Wrestling’s championship, AEW officials have agreed to physically attach the belt to current champion Chris Jericho. Jericho, who claimed the belt was stolen while he was celebrating his win at Longhorn Steakhouse, will now have several pins, fasteners, and thumbtacks inserted into his body and the belt. “Of Continue Reading...
Read more