Category Archive for "Headlies" | WrestleCrap – The Very Worst of Pro Wrestling!

Headlies: RD Reynolds – Bryan Alvarez Friendship Ends Over Repo Man Disagreement

3 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 19 August 2019, 08:00

Bothel, WA – A fifteen-year friendship between Figure Four’s Bryan Alvarez and Wrestlecrap’s RD Reynolds has come to an end following a disagreement over former wrestler Repo Man. The acrimonious split came after Alvarez went on extended rant on his podcast saying, “Nobody’s worse than the Repo Man, you got it?! What redeeming quality does the Repo Man have? None! Continue Reading...

Headlies: Randy Orton’s Race Car Takes Out Kofi Kingston

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 12 August 2019, 08:00

Toronto, ON – In a shocking turn of events, a race car once belonging to Randy Orton interfered in his championship match against Kofi Kingston last night at Summerslam. On a 2009 episode of Monday Night Raw, Randy Orton received a brand-new race car as a gift from his partners in Legacy, Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr. The car’s Continue Reading...

Headlies: Sasha Banks Featured On WWE 2K20 Cover

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 05 August 2019, 08:00

Novato, CA – After weeks of speculation, WWE officials revealed that former Raw Women’s Champion Sasha Banks would be appearing on WWE 2K20’s cover. WWE CEO Vince McMahon made the announcement at a press conference this morning. “After careful consideration, we’ve decided to put WWE Superstar and NXT legend Sasha Banks on the cover of our newest video game,” said Continue Reading...

Headlies: Braun Strowman Went Into A Restaurant And Ate Everything In The Restaurant And They Had To Close The Restaurant

11 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 29 July 2019, 08:00

Little Rock, AR – WWE Superstar Braun Strowman’s quick meal at the BBQ Barn after Monday Night Raw, unintentionally lead to the restaurant closing forever. “Whenever WWE is in town, we like to keep the place open late since the boys like to stop in after the matches,” said BBQ Barn owner “Big” Bob Sprucky. “A little after 11 o’clock, Continue Reading...

Headlies: R-Truth And Drake Maverick Get Their Own Marvel Movie

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 22 July 2019, 08:00

San Diego, CA – Wrestling fans were thrilled to find out that the epic battles between WWE Superstars R-Truth and Drake Maverick would be coming to the big screen as part of the Marvel Universe. Maverick and Truth appeared throughout San Diego Comic Con battling over they esteemed 24/7 Championship. While most thought it was just a fun way to Continue Reading...

Headlies: List Of Potential WWE Wrestler Names Leaks

8 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 15 July 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – Sportskeeda.com has produced a list of potential names for current and future WWE and NXT wrestlers and personalities. “For one reason or another, a lot of WWE talent have had their names changed,” said writer Kumal Barthwal. “Sometimes it’s a shortening to just a first or last name like Rusev or Andrade. Other times it’s a completely Continue Reading...

Headlies: WWE Universe Fired, Replaced By Heyman And Bischoff’s Friends

4 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 08 July 2019, 08:00

Newark, NJ – In a surprise move, WWE officials have future endeavored their entire fanbase, replacing them with the friends of newly hired executive directors Paul Heyman and Eric Bischoff. The move to replace fans is seen by many as a way to prevent fans from voicing their displeasure. “Look, last week was great for Raw and Smackdown, but we Continue Reading...

Headlies: Karate Fighters Tournament Will Determine Executive Director Of 205 Live

5 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 01 July 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – After the surprise move to place Paul Heyman in charge of Monday Night Raw and Eric Bischoff in charge of Smackdown, Vince McMahon has announced a tournament of wrestling officials from the 90’s to decide who will run WWE’s cruiserweight show, 205 Live. “It’s time to shake things up,” said McMahon. “WWE has gotten stale. I’m taking Continue Reading...

Headlies: Velveteen Dream Emerges From Giant Boot At WWE Stomping Grounds

1 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 24 June 2019, 08:00

Tacoma, WA – Wrestling fans were shocked last night when NXT North American Champion Velveteen Dream made his WWE debut at Stomping Grounds. What was quickly becoming just another typical WWE pay-per-view became a night to remember as a the beloved NXT wrestler appeared on the main roster. WWE’s ring crew wheeled a giant boot on to the main stage. Continue Reading...

Headlies: Bryan Alvarez Ruins Stunt Family Picnic

4 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 17 June 2019, 08:00

Olive Branch, MS – Figure Four Online/Wrestling Observer writer and podcaster Bryan Alvarez traveled to the hometown of rival Marko Stunt and ruined the Stunt Family Father’s Day picnic. The Stunt Family, consisting of Papa Stunt, Mama Stunt, and wrestlers Marko and Logan, arrived at the Olive Branch City Park Sunday afternoon. Mama Stunt laid out a blanket as Papa Continue Reading...

Headlies: WWE To Recreate Wrestlemania I Main Event For Next Saudi Arabia Show

15 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 10 June 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – Hot on the heels of their latest special event in Saudi Arabia, WWE has announced that they will be recreating the classic Wrestlemania I main event match that featured Hulk Hogan and Mr. T taking on “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff. “We are very excited to be going back to Saudi Arabia so soon,” Continue Reading...

Headlies: Superstar Billy Graham To Join Announcing Team At ‘All Out’

3 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 03 June 2019, 08:00

Chicago, IL – All Elite Wrestling head Cody Rhodes has announced that former WWWF Heavyweight champion ‘Superstar’ Billy Graham will be doing color commentary at the group’s newly-announced ‘All Out’ event. The move is seen as the latest shot at WWE as AEW continues to pick up their former talent. Rhodes denies this allegation. “We’re creating something new with AEW,” Continue Reading...

Headlies: Stubby Banned From Las Vegas Following Starrcast Incident

1 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 27 May 2019, 08:00

Las Vegas, NV – In a first for the state of Nevada, beloved Wrestlecrap dummy Stubby has been banned for life from the entire city of Las Vegas. Stubby arrived in Las Vegas late Friday night, already drunk. After stumbling off the plane and taking a taxi to Caesar’s Palace, the Wrestlecrap mascot managed to lose $500 at blackjack. Security Continue Reading...

Headlies: Lacey Evans Gets Stuck In A Revolving Door

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 20 May 2019, 08:00

Hartford, CT – WWE Superstar Lacey Evans missed her championship match at Money In The Bank last night after she became stuck in one of the XL Center’s revolving doors. Evans, who was set to challenge Becky Lynch for the Raw Women’s Title, arrived at the arena along with the other wrestlers, but was not seen in the locker room Continue Reading...

Headlies: Vince McMahon Continues To Prank The Revival

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 13 May 2019, 08:00

London, UK – Following last week’s angle that featured The Revival suffering the effects of having “Ucy Hot” placed in their trunks, Vince McMahon has personally started pulling pranks on the tag team. During the company’s overseas flight, McMahon continuously tapped both Scott Dawson and Dash Wilder on the shoulders and pretended to be doing something else when they looked. Continue Reading...

Headlies: Money In The Bank Briefcases Repossessed After Audit From IRS

0 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 06 May 2019, 08:00

Cincinnati, OH – The Money In The Bank pay-per-view is in danger of being cancelled after the contract-holding briefcases were taken by IRS and Repo Man. Irwin R. Schyster, the diabolical tax man, performed an audit of WWE’s finances following the April 15th deadline and did not like what he saw. “Sloppy paperwork, using an ink color other than blue Continue Reading...

Headlies: Eli Cottonwood Goes Mustache-To-Mustache With Robert Roode

1 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 29 April 2019, 08:00

Former NXT competitor Eli Cottonwood has returned to the WWE to challenge Robert Roode for mustache supremacy. Cottonwood, who competed on the second season of NXT, was mainly known for his height and his mustache. While not as thick and luscious as other mustaches in wrestling like Ox Baker’s or Big Bully Busick’s, Cottonwood’s was good enough to earn itself Continue Reading...

Headlies: ‘The Viking Experience’ Renamed As ‘Submission Sorority’

7 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 22 April 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – After a large outcry from fans following their debut on Monday Night Raw, The Viking Experience will now be known as Submission Sorority. Social media exploded with rage as the tag team, who were known as War Raiders in NXT and War Machine in ROH, appeared on WWE television for the first time. The Superstars formerly known Continue Reading...

Headlies: Daniel Bryan Recycles His WWE Championship

4 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 15 April 2019, 08:00

Aberdeen, WA – Following his title loss at Wrestlemania, former WWE champion Daniel Bryan has decided to recycle his championship belt. Made from 100% eco-friendly organic hemp, naturally fallen oak, and naturally-sourced stones, Bryan’s championship was a symbol of his environmentalism and rage against the greedy Baby Boomers and corporate machine. “The loss is devastating, but I can’t let my Continue Reading...

Headlies: Fans Miss Wrestlemania After Train Gets Stuck On The Tracks

1 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 08 April 2019, 08:00

East Rutherford, NJ – Tragedy occurred for hundreds of wrestling fans as the subways they were traveling on to attend Wrestlemania became stuck on the tracks for several hours, causing them to miss the event. “We, underestimated the sheer number of people that would be traveling via subway to MetLife Stadium, and unfortunately, the tracks could not handle the extra Continue Reading...

Headlies: Linda McMahon Leaves Trump Administration, Signs With All Elite Wrestling

4 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 01 April 2019, 08:38

Orlando, FL – In a move that shocked both the political and the wrestling world, Linda McMahon has resigned from her position in President Trump’s Administration and has joined the upstart All Elite Wrestling company. McMahon, who had been serving as the Small Business Administrator, announced Friday that she would be leaving Trump’s Cabinet. She was seen as a steady Continue Reading...

Headlies: Hundreds Of Dead Wrestling Angles Found In The Basement Of Titan Towers

6 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 25 March 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – Local and state police officers were called to Titan Towers, the headquarters of WWE, after a gruesome discovery was made in the company’s basement. Earlier this week, WWE announced that they were moving to a new office complex in 2021 after decades at Titan Towers. The grisly discovery was made during a routine walkthrough from building inspectors, Continue Reading...

Headlies: Kofi Kingston Added To Every Wrestlemania Match

4 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 18 March 2019, 08:00

Indianapolis, IN – In a surprise announcement on Smackdown, Vince McMahon declared that fan-favorite Kofi Kingston would be taking part in every Wrestlemania match. Since his surprise inclusion in the Elimination Chamber match, Kofi Kingston has received a groundswell of support from the WWE Universe. Recently, though, McMahon has stood in his way, denying Kingston a shot at the WWE Continue Reading...

Headlies: Samoa Joe Tries To Convince Vince McMahon That He Is Actually American

4 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 11 March 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – This past week’s WWE writer’s meeting was dominated by WWE Superstar Samoa Joe trying desperately to convince Vince McMahon that he is, in fact, American. “Before we get started, I’d just like to say welcome to our new United States Champion, Samoa Joe,” said Vince McMahon to the applause of everyone in the room. “Now, to make Continue Reading...

Headlies: Ronda Rousey Ruins Everything For Everyone

2 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 04 March 2019, 08:00

Riverside, CA – Current Raw Women’s Champion Ronda Rousey has embraced her role as a spoiler following a public faux pas on Twitter. Rousey recently upset fans by claiming that Becky Lynch’s recent mugshot photo was fake and using transphobic insults. Many fans and industry insiders felt that Rousey’s comments ruined the current feud and badly exposed the business. Seeing Continue Reading...

Headlies: Vince McMahon Still Rewriting Last Week’s Raw

3 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 25 February 2019, 08:00

Stamford, CT – Despite having already aired live on television, WWE CEO Vince McMahon is still hard at work rewriting the episode. As reported by Dave Meltzer, last week’s Monday night Raw was still be rewritten as the show was airing. The event harkened back to the dark days of WCW when the company was in a slow death spiral. Continue Reading...

Headlies: “Celebrate VD With Goldust” Event Goes Horribly Wrong

3 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 18 February 2019, 08:00

Hollywood, CA – A Valentine’s Day event featuring WWE Superstar Goldust descended in to chaos due to a misprinting of the invitations. What was supposed to be a family-friendly event filled with art projects and candy turned in to a hook-up party full of swingers and perverts. Unfortunately, an error in prouction that shortened “Valentine’s Day” to “VD” let to Continue Reading...

Headlies: Starrcast Adds “Insulted By Sunny” Package

1 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 11 February 2019, 08:00

Las Vegas, NV – Starrcast, the smash-hit wrestling convention, has started to announce guests and events for this year’s festivities. While fans have been buzzing about meeting Sting, Bret Hart, and Jerry “The King” Lawler, the biggest news has revolved around an intimate opportunity with WWE Hall Of Famer Sunny. “Last year’s Starrcast was amazing and this year is shaping Continue Reading...

Headlies: Mitch The Plant Granted His Release From WWE

3 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 04 February 2019, 08:00

Garden City, KS – WWE Superstar and beloved house shrub Mitch The Plant asked for and has been granted his release from WWE. The surprise announcement was made this weekend on WWE.com “We wish Mitch The Plant the best of luck in all of his future endeavors,” it read on WWE’s official website. Many believe that the timing of the Continue Reading...

Headlies: Kofi Kingston Avoids Royal Rumble Elimination By Jumping Into Another Dimension

4 Submitted by Jordan Mishkin on Mon, 28 January 2019, 08:00

Phoenix, AZ – Superstar Kofi Kingston wowed the WWE Universe at last night’s Royal Rumble by avoiding elimination with an incredible act that defied space, time, and logic. Kingston, who has become known for his inventive ways of avoiding elimination, was to the floor by Drew McIntyre. Before he came crashing to the ground, an iridescent vortex formed in the Continue Reading...